On my vacation, my family went to Florida. Since we drove 1500+ miles, I had plenty of time to think, which I took advantage of. I came to the conclusion that I really do hate myself. I say I hate so many people, when I just want to die. It'd make my family's life so much easier, less dramatic, less chaotic.
I constantly tell myself the words I feel I need to hear.. You're so fat; just one cut; go find your damn pills and just make everyone happy! The sad part is, I listen to this voice. I can't live without this voice in my head insulting me, accusing me, day and night. I can't give myself a moment's peace for fear that I'll be happy and ruin something good.
I rather like being by myself, just me and my psychotic voice. It gives me a chance to come up with more insults more things about myself that I hate. Trust me, there are quite a few. My weight, body, attitude, looks, past, present, future. Everything, to be honest. When I really feel like a failure, I tell myself exactly what I will probably end up being when I grow up. A druggie. Just like my old man, as I used to say. Like father, like daughter.
I guess the whole point of my letting my blog know who my worst enemy is is to explain my behavior. Thanks for reading.