In The Clouds

You can't hurt me now
I'm so high in the clouds
And you can't bring me down
To the horror I feel when you're around
Because my home is so far up
And I gave you up
Like you did me, never enough
For you to love
So I flew home
My mind's home alone
And my body stays here,
But the other girl inside here
Right here, my soul, she can't hear
You anymore because she's home
She ran away, startled with fear
And emotion she never experienced
She bolted like a deer in the headlights
And she towers over your head
In the clouds, where she is now
Watching you, your every move
Carefully calculating your every truth
I'm over you
I'm over you
I'm over you, but not what you
Did, highest bid
Goes to you,
For denying what's true
She watches you
From her house,
In the clouds,
We're both over you now.

Don't Tell Me No

Just for clarification, this is NOT about James. This is just a spur-of-the-moment song I wrote after listening to Miley Cyrus' song "Can't Be Tamed."


Boy, I thought we'd been together for so long
But when I loosen my grip you still hold on
You know I hate tight spaces, hate seeing the same faces
Hate being told you're right and I'm wrong

I thought you'd know by now that you can't tell me no
Thought you'd have realized I'll go solo
Don't tell me what is right for me, I'm my own
I am not your toy, I'll do whatever I want

I can't be controlled
I can't be told
What to do with my life
I'll go down this road
So don't ask me why
I play with troublesome guys
I'll get myself burned
But at least I'm still fly

Boy, you know you made a mistake when you told me to go
You said it was for my own good, you told me so
You said I'd play with fire, burning oh, so cold
Told me I was dumb for going all alone

I thought you'd know by now that you can't tell me no
Thought you'd have realized I'll go solo
Don't tell me what is right for me, I'm my own
I am not your toy, I'll do whatever I want

I can't be controlled
I can't be told
What to do with my life
I'll go down this road
So don't ask me why
I play with troublesome guys
I'll get myself burned
But at least I'm still fly

Frozen In Time

oppression

obsession

suppression

wondering how to run this recession

hearts cant run on depression any longer

sooner or later theyll all break down

suppressing the memories hidden in frowning smiles

and id walk a mile for eternity

to solve this puzzle i havent even seen

too massive, impressive

impressions run the world now here

cannot run from what cannot hide here

in the open, where the river is so wide

you cant see the red horizon

bloody tears fill the sky and i wonder:

how high can i fly til i breathe no longer?

spread my feathers, take flight in the water

shooting for the sun, to set fire to rebellious daughters

and lying sons, douse them in cold

set them on warm, and watch their molds melt

all around them, til there's only reality

and hope mixed with frailty

broken bones wrapped around their hearts made of not gold

but silver to keep them frozen in time.

Objection, Your Honor!

I'm writing, at 12:09 in the morning, so I can sleep. I'm writing to sort out my thoughts.
Truth #1: I push you away because I don't like getting hurt. And every time we get close, I get hurt.
2: I'm pretty sure I enjoy being in denial about wanting to marry James. Because we all know it's bound to happen.
3: You have NO right to tell me to face reality. I've seen more than you ever will.
4: Don't EVER tell me I'm a whore because I'm confused about two guys. I've had sex with one man. You? I lost track.
5: When you say you're not going to pick at my weaknesses, stick to that. Because that's why I won't let myself get as close to you as I am to him.
6: Don't ever try to correct my attitude when you encouraged it yesterday.
7: I cheated once. And it was a make-out. For real. No clothes were removed, no stray hands. Get the eff over it already.
8: I'm not about to die of starvation, okay? I eat once a day, and it's enough to keep me alive. Let me deal with it myself.
9: Don't say you want to hear my problems, and then say I'm an attention whore.
10: Don't ever, ever, ever tell me you're better than me.
11: Stop telling me what beauty really is. This is beauty. Right here. This is my beauty. You wanna be fat? Go ahead. To each his own.
12: Fuck all ya'll that decide to take the role of parents in my life. Facebook is my playground. Get your own. Don't take away my monkeybars.
13: You have no responsibility to me. Don't act like I'm gonna do what you want.
14: You have no say in what I do. Go ahead and complain. I don't give a shit. This is my life, and I'm going to live it how I want to live it.
15: To that specific someone, stop telling my parents everything I write. If they cared, they'd ask. If they don't, don't try to make them.
16: I'm no longer a doormat. You fuck up, you're gone. Out. And yeah, actually, saying I'm a whore is gonna get you a one-way ticket to 'get your ass outta here'.
17: I'm going to cuss, whether you like it or not. I can say whatever I want to say, and telling Jim and Sue isn't going to stop me. And neither will humiliating me.
18: You'll have better luck screwing Michael Jackson than making me willingly open a Bible. So stop trying.
19: The more you try to predict my future, the more I'm going to try to prove you wrong. Yeah, Jim. when you said I'd grow up to be nothing because I'm just trouble? You're wrong.
20: Either support me or get bent. Simple as that. If you're my friend, act like it. If you're my enemy, go eat a box of chocolate. I couldn't care less about you.

My Dear, You'll Never Win

So I just found out some stuff that really, really upset me. So, after venting to James, I decided I should write about it instead of going on a rampage. Sorry if it makes no sense, but for those who have talked to me in the past few months should know what I'm talking about.

Who gave you the right to step into my life?
Slicing open my paper-thin walls with your machete knife
Ripping apart all that I love
When will you have had enough?
Don't you feel regret for the friendships you've killed
Or does it not matter how the rest of us feel?
Your constant presence, unwanted, yet here
Is exactly why you should shake in fear
Because you've waken a half
I thought I'd put to death
But now she's back, thirsty for blood
And you're her first target, aren't you, my love?
You're quite familiar with the demonic side of me
And I know you're not so stupid as to try to find pity
Within my own, the ones I've claimed
You can't touch them without giving yourself shame
Because I've encouraged the monster you've become
And I can tear you apart if I want
The anger inside me makes my body weak
And the best part is, it's YOU she seeks
So beware, my dear, your end shall come
And when it does, well, I'll be the last one
You see, when your life turns to shit
Worse than it is, at least, and more than a tad bit
No, your life will be cut with a rusty blade
And when it's over, I'll dance on your grave
Your friends will all run
When they hear me come
You'll hide in your bed
Like a child, instead
Of trying to fight me
Because trust me, dearie, you can't defeat me