Better

he says he loves me

and maybe he means it

but maybe he doesn't

maybe he wants to sleep with me
the body he envisions to be me
the supermodel face plastered to mine
the bikini model shape

maybe he wants a gullible child
a naive girl with no sense
a girl he can hold on to
a girl that needs him

maybe he wants the lustful whore
he thinks most women are
but he says im the exception
am i?

am i better than all the others
all the girls he's known and loved?
am i prettier?
smarter?
easier?
should i accept this attention
these compliments?
should i shove him away like i do all the others
or play with him, like a toy soldier
maybe i should give in to him
the candy aisle calling my name
brenna...brenna...brenna...

Shining Armor

I'm stuck here alone when I want you here

But I cannot find you though it's been years

Your aura has changed to a dull gray

Instead of the vibrant red you were that day

When we met I could feel you under my skin

And though I was young, I wanted to let you in

You knocked down my fortress with your passionate words

You strode up my staircase with no thought to your wounds

My guard had riddled you with bullets and fire

But nothing could keep you from your loving desire

You knew where I lay in my untroubled sleep

Growing cold from years of feigned love, counting sheep

You slayed my mighty dragon, killed with his own flame

The fire in your eyes, to me, did the same

You were the one I woke up to

The face I knew

I memorized your scars in the heat of our love

During our passion I knew you were enough

I could lay next to you and feel no shame

Though I hated my body, you placed no blame

My weight was perfect, my cuts were real

You knew my worst fear, you'd know how I feel

Your love never strayed from one day to the next

Though my eyes were averted every year at best

I could not stay faithful, one hundred percent true

I only looked, didn't touch, but I knew it hurt you

I could not fathom why you acted that way

Why you cringed when I'd be gone for a day

You knew where I lied, where I told the truth

You knew I was in love, but you didn't know it was with you.

Love?

How am I to learn to love
When no one's taught me?
You all walked away when I needed you the most
Without looking back, feeling remorse

The dad who walked out of my life without a word
Never calling, writing, giving me a clue
Of his name, his life, himself

The mother who gave me up
And has yet to tell me the truth about my childhood
Why she let me go

The brothers who refuse to love me
After the lies and deceit
Blaming me for mistakes not my own

The sister who alienates me
Loves only conditionally
When it suits her

And the friend who's my friend
When I'm with my ex-boyfriend
When we're "happily in love"

Whatever love means
Whatever happiness is
Whatever friendship is
Whatever you are
Whatever I am.