Beauty is Acheivable--found in drafts!

im living in the sunlight

cuz my body makes no shade

and i always have to celebrate

every time another record breaks

except this doesnt feel right

letting myself quit

so im back on my scale again

measuring all this shit again

making sure my zeros dont fit

they have to be loose to be skinny

and they cant be at all tight

because tight equals cellulite

and we know where that leads

another hundred planks while laying on the floor
and when im done with that ill do even more
to rid my body of the calories i ate
and cleansing my fragile mind of all the hate
i get because i want to be beautiful
and love is plentiful
and beauty is acheivable
just not by me.

My Own Little World

Maybe I'm crazy to ever believe

That some way in life you could ever want me

My heart says you once did, you had
Before I gained wait, prior to fat
When I step on the scale, my world tips down
Just like my smile turns into a frown
Once I see the numbers
Much over one hundred
Adding the twenty-five candles
Shirts showing love handles
Every fire extinguished
Means another pound is finished
Another diet failing me
I'm sitting here researching
More so I can be less
I want invisibility, another guess
At the shadow along your own
This is my realm, the only one I've known
And it knows me, it sees me
It feels me, it feeds me
This is the place I love myself
And in spite of everyone else
This is the world where I can be free
Because this is the world where you can love me.

My ABC's Part 1

Anger
Aggression
Addiction
All the things I bottled up inside
Beauty
Betrayal
Bleak outlook
Because these are what I denied
Careful
Coy
Catch my bait
So I can rebuke you, watch you cry
Dare you to
Die
Dark depression
Don't let me go, I won't live through the night
Empty
Engaged in
Egotistic ways
Everything good runs away from the sky because
God
Grace, and
Goodness
Gone through the misty lie
Hope we'll last
Helped me hold the blade
Handed me the alcohol
Have to take another sip..

Flaws of Love

You show up on my doorstep trying to piss me off
But seriously, when will you ever try and shut the hell up?
You say I don’t deserve you, and I’ll never find another you
And I can’t even argue with that, because I know it’s true


And who am I to argue with the god of your little world?
You’re right, I deserve so much better than the lies you fed to me
And it’s true, I’m done with you, so keep insulting me
Because I don’t want another you, I already got rid of him
So walk away, baby, you know you’ll never get me back again


You say she treats you better and she tells you all the things
That I never wanted you to know, because I’m just that mean
I told you you were stupid, and druggie to top it off
But I didn’t, and you proved me wrong, but hey, the flaws of love


I guess I’m just the monster in me
And should be hurt, but wait, you’ve already finished that again
I told you we weren’t meant to be
But did you listen? No! And now it’s my fault again?