Thank God You Left

This life I chose for me was a rip-off
You always hold out a hand for a sip of
Blood from the cuts on my wrist
And pain drained from the bruise from your fist
We fight all the time and have never missed
You say you took the drugs to get a pretend bliss
But then you wake up and I’m still here
If you want me gone, let me hear
You say you don’t want me
And trust me, I’ll be glad to leave
I’ll crawl out the house with my skinned knees
And you slam the door right behind me
Yell at me to get outta your way
In fact, why didn’t I leave yesterday?
You say
I’m just a pain in your ass
But you still drop me on my ass
And hold my hand to keep me up
Tell me to shut up
Then tell me you don’t ever wanna leave me
‘Cause I’m the only one stupid enough to still be
Here, because you’re love is like a needle
And you always numb how I feel
And I know I’m an idiot for
Not walking out the door
But you always tell me
No one else will want me
Only you know how to treat
An ugly kid like me
When you hug me
You always say you need me
And people don’t understand us
Because they’ve never been in love
Or this hate, whatever we’ve been in
We’re caught in the circle, I never win
This game is distant memory
Habitually losing, you got the best of me
So I scream and try to fight
And it’s sad I don’t know if I’m even alive
Because I can’t even tell for sure
Because this love is a roller coaster
Escalating to the top
Suddenly a sudden drop
Hold my breath and hold your hands high
Til I can’t breathe and you’re satisfied

I’m starting to lose count of
All the thousand
Times you made me bleed
And you always feed
On my insecurities
And I’m sick of it
Sick of being the one to lift
You up when I’m the one that needs help
But you don’t see that far past yourself
And I can’t sleep
With any sanity
Because it left me
When I went with you
Chose you over truth
And you haven’t even noticed
I can’t even ask you to
‘Cause I can do it for you

And I’m fucking sick of apologizing
For crimes that you committed, time for realizing
You’re not the innocent one in the world of lies
You can stop pretending you don’t like to fight
I wear the marks
Of your dark
Side, hiding under makeup
Standing in the wake of
Your angry wave
And it’s too late to save
Someone that no one wants
Because you’re the only one that wants
Me anyway
And I can already hear you say
You’re sorry for what you said
You didn’t know what was going through your head
But you did, and you know it
You’re just too scared to show it
Because you know I’ll leave you
If you don’t get your head screwed
On, but you soften the blow
With a few sweet words and empty threats
You say that’s not even what you meant
But it is, and your excuses are just that-
Excuses are worthless in bloody battles

Try and keep me around
‘Cause you know you can bring me down
But you stab me in the back again
And I have to duck again
To avoid the slap coming toward my face
And you know you only have to face
Me, and you know you already won
But you don’t already know that you’re not the only one
‘Cause you said that we’d be together
And we should still last, because forever
Hasn’t ended, and you said you’d never
Leave me, as long as I stayed forever and ever
And I haven’t left yet, I’m still here waiting
Spending every moment contemplating
If this fight will last for a day or a week,
Because I can’t take no more, I’m getting weaker
It’s not fun any more to sit and watch you tweak
Because I’m not allowed
To be followed around
By the syringe
On the fringes
Of my vision, ‘cause it’s laying on the floor
And I can also see that you’ll bring home a whore
You know you’re not getting ass from me no more
‘Cause I’m already halfway out the door

Lie

On the first day of our story
The future seemed so bright
Now your love has turned to fury
I don't know why we love to fight
Desperation has its limits too
You crossed them but I can't leave you
Breaking walls and run in circles
Soon there'll be no you and I

Come home and show me what I'm missin'
'Cause that's what made the flames ignite again
And let me burn in the jealous fire
So I don't have to see that you only lied
You always lie

And you tell me to be quiet
They won't believe me anyway
'Cause it's crazy, they won't buy it
So I won't repeat a word you say
Even angels have their weaknesses
They have no heart to beak
So I made you one to give me
But you just threw it away

Time To Clean Out My Notepad!

Random Bit I

As the tears fall from my eyes,
I cannot help but surmise
My problems and put the blame
On the shoulders of the same
People whom I love and hate with each passing breath
Why can't humans just accept their deaths?
Trying to hinder our fates, and run away
They haven't realized their own mistakes
I guess that's the price we pay for life,
But why must we make a big deal about strife?
Yes, we'll suffer, but we usually prevail
If we cope by ourselves, it's labeled as a fail
We mess up all the time, we try to make it right
So why are most people afraid of the night?
We fear each other's thoughts; we run from the hate
All the hatred their hearts radiate

Random Bit II

The art of betrayal is tricky to learn
But you seem to have mastered it well
It must not matter to you who you hurt,
Or how many lies have been birthed from the gossip you tell
You act like an angel in the midst of your friends,
But you're a rebel with people you hate
Trust me, girl, you'll be your own end.
Your actions set the date.

Random Bit III

In a world full of hatred and dread
You're only weapon is your own head
Don't lean on other's shoulders when you cry
For all you know, the friendship's a lie
When a man comes to you with love in his heart
Run away from the pain you'll get when he tears you apart
When someone vows to be there for you forever
Remember how quickly it can become a never
Men will fail, friendships will end
But the only person you need to be your friend
Is yourself

Random Bit IV

My heart said left but I went right
And now I know I shoulda listened
Because the heart always knows the writing
On the wall in ink invisible
The poisonous cobra looming overhead
Angry, wanting the vengeful dead

Random Bit V

Because your name is written in the stars
And our love is tattooed on my heart
You told me we'd last forever..

Random Bit VI

Where I go you cannot follow
Because you don't understand
What you hold in your hand
Holding the life I cut from me
Watching the red blood run and bleed

Random Bit VII

Make a scene, make it seem like it can't be your fault
When everybody knows that it's not mine at all

Beauty, Defined

This is for the girl with the broken scale

Never telling the truth, just false tales

Adding numbers to her weight

Five pounds over, there's no way

She let it happen, she'd kept a good eye

On the digits that rule her life

This is for the girl who wishes for dreams

Always wanting to be beautiful, but she can't reach

Her goals when she thinks about giving up

Because of the pain, it's just too much

As the blade is drawn to her wrist

She ignores the voice resisting the risk

Beauty is seen as thin and no flaws

And covering gashes with a strip of gauze

Wishing for the fat to slide off your thighs

Soon you'll be too busy to even realize

Beauty isn't about pleasing everyone else

Beauty is just being true to yourself