Not Really Sure What's Going On Here...

They told me this would get easier
Standing here in a rain of tears
They told me I'd find some shelter
Among the lost souls also stuck here
They told me this memory would fade
That I'd soon be free of the remains
They promised

They swore the wind would die down
That I'd soon be able to hear my own thoughts
But it's not wind, it's my screams
Coming out of my nightmares
To haunt my waking hours
They didn't know the truth

I was told that I'd be free of this soon
That I'd be able to walk amongst the living
Rather than the half-dead
But no one is fully alive anymore
So we all blend in with those whose hearts still beat

I tried to love you
You told me you'd be warm in just a moment
But you're still lying here, cold
Cold-hearted, like the dead girl I was
But you have no reason, you weren't there
You weren't holding the hands of the drowned
Of the damned, the exiled, the second-best
No, you were chasing after favorites
After hordes of young dead girls
Ready to warm up to your false flame
Only to fall short of your impossible standards
To be rejected, to return to my touch
To be drowned all over again, needing air
The air only provided in the waters in which they sink
Til they hit rock bottom, then float to the surface
Where I wait

Letter to Hayden

Not a day goes by where I don't think of you
Of the life I almost got to have in my arms
And the life taken much too soon
Of the father that walked away
And the mother that drank you away
As if I could
Because I didn't; not completely
I drank you away,
In a way
But not in the way I meant to
And I'm sorry, so sorry
I can never make up for that,
I've been through a million hells for doing that
I've explained myself, justified myself
Hell, I tried to kill myself
Just to make it up to you
Every bottle I finished, I sang a song
Dedicated it to the stars, in hopes you'd hear it
Every cut I made, I bled into the earth
Hoping we could stay together, just a moment longer
You have another sister, now
I've been so careful with her, to make up for you
And I've prayed to you nightly
Just watch over us, please

Random Ramblings: Warm-Up

This is literally a warm-up, as it's been a long time since I've been able to sit down and write. This doesn't pertain to life at all, it just puts me in the mood. Calm yourselves, I'm not crazy.

Sitting down crying,

Wondering if I can even do this

Am I even strong enough to endure this?

Am I capable of coping with not one, but more?
More sins of yours seeping up through my floor?

I don't even remember what purity looks like

Much less what it feels like

I tried escaping, once long ago

I took half a bottle, and bled to add to it

I remember the look on my companion's face

When he saw my arm as we laid in bed

I remember the way my mother looked at me

It was a pathetic pity, only adding to my hopelessness

I remember the way I looked at myself in the mirror

Disgusted, outraged

I still think of simpler days

When I had a moment of silence

And wrote a poem a second

I had so much potential

And I wasted it on you

On your broken promises

On all your lies

Your eyes told me the truth, if I'd only looked

I was too in love, too willing to die

For a man who would kill me to live