Remember Me

Please remember me

Remember all I've done for you

All the times I've coddled you

Worshiped you, bowed to you

Remember the times I had with you

Because I do

I remember the happiness, the inspiration

The dates, the plans, and dedication

The disloyalty, deceit, and pent-up anger

The forgiveness I still feel even though I'm a stranger

I don't know who I am

Don't even ask about you

But this isn't what I pictured

What I imagined

I thought we'd be married

Have three beautiful children

With college degrees and a home of our own

Not a miserable life where I feel so alone

I feel attacked, I feel isolated

I feel like you couldn't care less if I made it

It's like you've cut off emotional contact

Unless it's you that needs me

And I hate it

I shouldn't be hating me life

Feeling like the last few years have ruined me

I don't want to resent this life

Beause I chose it

But I'm so unhappy

Nothing I do is good enough

You find the smallest thing to fight over

You make me wanna run and hide

In a stupid, fuckiing corner

Can't leave, can't stay,

Can't even control my own body

Can't have an opinion unless you like it

And I know this will cause an argument

And I hate it

I've thought long and hard, and I've reached a conclusion

You're not what's keeping me alive

You're not what's motivaing me to be better

You're not promoting me, not comforting me

And I need better

I need you to be better

Blade

I haven't wanted to die in years

I thought I'd gotten stronger than my petty fears

I've been raped, abused,

Abandoned, used

I've lost my fair share

And I've sacrificed more than I've cared to lose

Because I, Brenda Jacobs, am still breathing

And I, just to piss you off, will keep beating

The odds, and keep pushing on

But lately, the pull of my blade has been strong

It sings to me, it tells me to sleep

To just bleed out the pain, to make it easy

Because who else can I hate without reciprocation?

Who else can I hurt without retaliation?

I am my own whipping boy, my own muse

The one person I can rely on to always refuse

To just take it, but I'm so tired of fighting it

How much can I handle til I start breaking shit?

Cuz I'm a second away from just flipping the blade and being done

Just doing the job that everyone wants

And doing myself the favor

That only I can give.