Letter from Ana

Come to me, love, come back for me
Remember who makes you what you wanna be
Now he's gone, I watched him leave
Now that he left, it's just you..and me
So come back and let me
Show you what you're missing
Because I know you remember everything

Remember how we used to count our calories
And exercise at night in secrecy
How we'd always talk about jealousy
Because they'll be jealous eventually
You'll be beautiful, they'll still be ugly
Come back, love, come back to me

And now you've gained fat
We'll get rid of that
You've let yourself go again,
But we'll fix that again
Just take a few pills, take a few drags
And soon you'll be full of the cigarette fags

You've gotten bigger, dear
How long have you been bingeing, dear?
I fear you've lost everything we were
What happened to that thin girl?
The one who worked mercilessly
To become the fairest, incessantly
And it's still impossible
To want what I can possibly provide
Just come back, love come back to me

Who told you he'd grow weary of you?
Who was right? Me! That's who!
Didn't I tell you I was your only love?
Your only support, shoulder to cry on
Don't you dare turn your back on me
On everything we could ever be
I made, changed you, created you
Everything you'll ever be, you
Owe it all to me

And who will still be disgusting after the day's done
Who will be sitting there, crying, because I've again won
You can't stand being wrong, you sicken me
But I'm not gonna leave,
Because you need me

You need to be beautiful, love, don't you see?
You need to feel lovely,
Seem worthy
So I'll help you again, if you promise me now
You'll never give me up, Ana's here now
I'll stay with you forever,
We'll be together, for eternity.
Signed, always your biggest fan
Ana

Racing

Go ahead and forget me
Forget everything we've been through
Because I'm forgetting you
I'm starting to forget why I love you
Forgetting the you I'm crazy about,
But I'm still so crazy about you
Am I crazy for continuing to want you?
To want to hold you once again?
If that makes me crazy, I'll be insane
Because I want to scream your name
I want to go to the highest hill in this state
And state your name, loud and clear
So everyone around here
Can hear me
I want them to hear my agony
I want them to feel my anguish, you
Extinguished my flame, it burned
It burned so brightly it burned
My eyes, so all I could see by
Was my flame, burning behind my blindness
I'd grown used to it, the burning
It had replaced the burns on my legs
The cuts on my arms
The scars, all the marks
And it still burns, but it burns black
How am I to see through the black with
The black flame, fueled by the blade in my back
But I'm back for more pain
I'm waiting for you again
And you can't just end the game,
Because this game is keeping me sane
This cat and mouse trick you enjoy so much
Is exactly what's keeping me here,
Here, where I'm no longer wanted
Here, where I no longer want to be
It's like Evanescence mixed with Stone Sour
I'm alone in my mind
But your ghost still hasn't left
And I'm growing desperate
I'm desperate for some redemption,
Some attention
Someone hold my hand, I'm losing my direction
And I just want to feel you,
Feeling your memory build up inside me
But I want to tear you down
Like you tore me down
Tore me apart with your bare hands
Your bear hands are strong, stronger than me
Stronger than I could ever be
And I want to grab a stick again
And beat you in the face again
But sticks and stones can only break bones
And I want you to hurt
I want you to feel this hurt
It hurts, being this numb
Like I've fallen asleep, been here for so long
And I want to start walking, but I can't feel my feet
Wake up! I cry, but it just repeats
Through the hills, resounding through the night
And I just want to fall back down, and never resume this flight
Because you've won this fight
And I'm tired of fighting
I just want to rest,
God rest my soul
Like a toy soldier, I've been through too much
I've been chewed on, thrown on the floor
Where it's cold, but it's better than the heat
I feel when you're here, you make my heart race
And I'm racing to get away
Racing to beat time, beat you back
I just want you back..

Just Let Me Go!

Somehow, I doubt you can even see me
It's like I'm an image, you just look past me
And I mean, it's not like you seem to care
It's as if I blend in with the surrounding air,
It hurts seeing you smile
When you haven't been around for a while
Because I hate that you're always happy
And I'm still here waiting for happiness
But I'm glad that you're in love
Because love's what makes the world go 'round
But I'm sad I was never enough
To make you wanna stay around
Did I really bore you that quickly?
This whole thing is just sickening
Who does that to someone who trusts you so much?
When did I need to write boundaries in the dust?
We became One, melded together, til you broke us apart
And it kills me to think you got to keep my heart
Why did you get the unbroken side?
I'm still lying here, shattered, confined
To my lonesome, my scattered, torn thoughts
Because they broke with me, that day you shot
Me down, ripped me off like a band-aid
But the cut never healed, it just craved
I crave you always, even when I'm not alone
Remembering your messages on my phone
You said you'd stay, here, forever
Always, you said, we'll stay together
We're best friends, you said, I wouldn't leave
Well you did, and you took my soul away from me
And I want it back, dammit
I want it all back, can't you understand it?
If I can't have you, you don't deserve me
Just let me leave with a shred of humanity
Return my life to me, give me my integrity
Let me live with decency
Though you stole my innocence from me
Let me return to normalcy
At least let me pretend to be
Okay with what I did, while you live guilt-free
Continuing on to be continuously happy
While I'm chained here, set me loose, please
Because I've held your hand when you were afraid
And I wiped away every tear you ever made
I fought away demons, kept them at bay
And I've done so much for you, but still you stay?
Still your ghost remains?
Leave me be
Let me be in my own company
Solitude would be heaven compared to this hell
Because I'd rather be alone with myself
Than here with your memory
It's killing me, baby..