its like i have a necklace

trying to strangle me, but im reckless

always have been

and i tend to forget the place im in

because i can shut down and stare at a wall

and you wont notice til i refuse to talk

but its not even that i refuse

its that i dont hear you

i shut down to protect myself

i dont want the pain
i dont wanna remember the pain
i dont wanna think about the pain
if i just dont think about it, it never happened

sometimes im hit with an image of your face
its contorted, so twisted, so scary with rage
you're standing in front of me and its getting hard to breathe
the chains are around my feet again, saying
'you cant leave me, try as you might
and sweetheart we can keep fighting this fight
and ill bury you so far youll see constant night
but its really just dirt and youll be blind'
and my hair turns to knots along with my stomach
my hands start to sweat though im freezing
and i itch for you to just fight me
just raise your hand to hit me, please
set me off

let me turn into what you think i am
what i think i am
what you all think i am
let my eyes glaze over as i fight for my life
for my rights
let me lose control
invade me
punch me
hitmeslapmesomethin
anything
give me a reason to just
explode

Just my daily rant

the blood is dry
holding the blade up high
as ive finished my masterpiece
just like every single piece
of me is broken off
every day by some jackoff
comment
about something completely idiotic
and you dont realize
that i dont even need to get this kind of high
by myself
when i have someone else
telling me im a slut
even jokingly, dont you know anything
about me?
im just as insecure as the next girl
i know my bodys imperfect
i know im a horrible parent
i know im a whore
you act like the labels dont apply anymore
you forget ive been told this for years
so much so that its tattooed between my ears
seared on my brain, forever in my mind
so when you tell me
what you perceive to be true
i already know it is
i dont need you telling me again.