20 Questions

While having a cigarette with my friend Alea the other day, I decided to play 20Q. To start, I asked a few questions about her hopes and all that stuff, and vise versa. Once the conversation started to fade and we started getting high, I got down to business. I asked her if she knew I used to have an eating disorder. She said she did, and she'd known since it started. Confused, I started interrogating her. She said I stopped eating at school and in front of other people at the start of the school year. Score one for Alea. I asked her when I stopped. Her answer: You never did.

This shocked me. I pride myself on being good at keeping secret. I'm happy when I know I've fooled someone into thinking I'm happy. I guess I need to work on that again. But, anyway, I just felt like writing that down.

I'm sorry for letting you down.

But Know This

Why must I explain myself?
You look at me as if I'm someone else
Some stranger you found in the back of an alley
Passed out drunk and stoned and bleeding
I've been changing before your eyes
Not that you not noticing is a surprise
You've been blinded by your self-righteous views
Unable to see what's right in front of you
The fact that you don't notice my eyes
Is what makes me want to see you die
Not by a human's hand
But by the will of your God will your life end

But know this:
Every cigarette I light
Every fight we fight
Every hit I take
Every cut I make
Every tear I've shed
Everything you've ever said

Everything we've been through these past few years
Will haunt me forever, adding to my fear
That one day I'll break under your ever-changing fist
With so many infected wounds, I won't be hard to miss
It won't take much energy to make me fall
It'll take less than that to inflict any degree of pain at all