Real eyes realize real lies
And since you can't seem to see
Do you want to borrow mine?
I don't think you understand the root of my hate
And I honestly fear that you've fallen prey to this game
I hope you know the apologies are just show
And you seem to believe it but, no
I will not have it
If you haven't seen what he's done to me
By now, you never will
He's raped and pillaged like a goddamned Viking
He's beaten and abused like it's his hobby
But he soothes it over with 'love' like Vicodine
Numbing the pain with his words
Making the victim lost their mind
Twisting and distorting their view of reality,
This, this is a man to fear
I thought I could find closure
And I can't
I'm still angry, lashing out
At all the wrong people, when they didn't do shit
But I'm starting to ponder what to make of it
Maybe I do need to see you in jail
Maybe you shouldn't see my daughter again
Maybe I should see you hang
I'm honestly not sure anymore
I started a journal about you, my dear
One that you will soon read
Once it's finished, I will show the world
And hope that they believe
But even if they don't,
I won't be suprised
I didn't believe either, and I still find it hard to
Picture you doing the things you did
Sometimes I look at old photos of us
And I miss the way you used to cuddle up
To me, the way you went 50 miles to get medicine
The way you'd help me walk and the way you'd talk
The way your stupid smile would appear out of nowhere
But then it hits me
The smile of love becomes that demon again
And I have to hold back tears again
Fight off nightmares again
And bring myself to life again
I remember your tears as you begged me to hold you
The night you entered my home
You told me to kiss you, to overcome the monster
But you knew nothing could stop him
I remember you telling me that everything was my fault
If I had just kept quiet, no one would have known
No one would have taken them again
And we could still pretend we had love
I'm not sure if it was ever love, anymore
I know I wanted out for months
But when you moved on, I could never let go
And neither could you
I'm so tired of the anger
The frustration
The fighting
The fear
The monster, waiting for me to come near
I can never trust you again, I'm so sure of that
But I sometimes wish I could, just so I could pretend that
You've changed, that you'll be a good father,
Even though I'm happy with my present love
I can still hope
If I had to be completely honest, and I'm just writing shit down
You and I both know that I never remember what I write
But as a last resort, since I won't get the justice I deserve
And my child will most likely be stuck enduring the same
Fate as her sister, my babies
Just know I hate to suggest this, but maybe,
Just maybe
All I need is a goddamn apology
Not one of your excuses
I don't want to hear "You'll never understand"
I don't want to hear "You made me this man"
I just want a plain old, "Brie, I'm sorry
I want to change, just let me.
Just give me the peace I so desperately need"
And maybe this war will be over
Because I'm so tired, love
So tired.
