Happily Ever After

If I could tell the future, I know what I'd see
You're recovered, fully grown, and so happy
I'd be watching you from a distance, knowing
I walked away at the time you wanted me close
I don't want to be needed, it petrifies me
And the fact you rely on me, makes me see
I'm nothing like the girl think me to be
Because I'm just a teen
And I'm still enjoying my freedom
I've been held down for so long, I'm finally letting go
Only to be held by you, to silently scream the truth
I'm never gonna be myself,
When I'm trying so hard to be someone else
For you, to make you happy, satisfied
What about my satisfaction?
I could kill myself for hurting you
Breaking you
Making you everything you feared
Saying everything you don't wanna hear
But you hear it anyway,
I'm leaving today
And I'm sorry I made you think
This was a new remedy
But it's not
I've been trying tio convince myself I love you
And only you
But I'm only fooling myself and you
Because this need to get away
Is stronger every day
And I'm sick of the lies
Of saying goodbye
Only to be convinced otherwise
Because THEY have my future planned
And THEY want me to marry you
THEY want me to stay with you
But THEY aren't me
THEY don't feel my feelings
And I know this hurts, because it kills me
But my friend was right, I need to be happy
If this is what it takes, I'll take it
And maybe someday, if we're meant to be
We'll find each other again, and live our lives happily ever after

Better Than Me

My mind is saying no but my heart is saying yes
And I don't know who to believe, who's just a guess
My body responds to one, but the other turns it off
And I don't seem to react to him the way I should've
I should've stopped this before it happened,
But it's happening again now
I don't want to get hurt again
Even though I always, always
Always
Hurt you, and I hate it
Do you see me?
Do you see how much I hate myself?
Every time you want to cry, I do
And every single cut I make, it's all for you
Every shot of poison I take, it's because of you
Because I hate myself
You deserve better than me
Much, much better than me
I hate hearing how my face was glowing
When I wish you were part of the knowing
It kills to know I think of him when I'm with you
And you deserve much better than me
He says cheating's God's way of saying
You're not destined to be together
But I promised you forever
And I swore on your life
I'd never hurt you, but I lie
I lied, and I cheated, and I broke your heart
But you didn't break mine, because there's nothing to break
If I can treat you this way..
I shouldn't be able to treat you this way...

The Whore Inside

"Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go

You have made my life complete, and I love you so

Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfilled

For my darling, I love you, and I always will"

You will, but you'll love your version of me

Because she's the perfect I can't be

She's got the body, the face, the beauty

And she's the one running barefoot in your dreams

Because she's got so much potential

And I know this is intentional,

I'm a tease, I'll ease your mind a little

I'll tell you right now I can make you want me

I can be innocent, a schoolgirl with braids

But if you need some shameless sex, I can be a maid

I can be your nurse, I'm really good at anatomy

And I'm good at kissing your problems away, you see

I'm the inner whore, just trying her hardest to escape

This jail I've been imprisoned in, I'm tired of this pain

These kryptonite bars trying to keep me contained

But you can't oppress me forever, because we belong together

The whore and the virgin, put in the same body

Now who's gonna win, who gets control of the scenery?

I'm gonna be the campion here

I'm gonna take over here

Because this woman I'm occupying, she's not perfect

And all she wants is to be beautiful, perfect

And I can make that happen, at least in her head

Because men like her size, her naivety, leading her to the bed

And she's just too good to realize they don't want to lie there
They don't wanna cuddle, they wanna pull her hair
Bite her, hurt her, scratch her, bruise her
They want to make her not remember her
Because if she's beautiful, she's got standards
So I step in and make sure this woman learns
How men are to be taken down, how to feel loved
Though love doesn't exist, I've convinced her of that
All she wants is to find someone that makes her wanna stop
She wants to stop, but she can't find the brakes at the top
Of the mountain, cascading down the slope
And she wants it to end, so she can go slowly
But she's falling so fast, so she begs for my help
And I'm a good friend, so I take over and help
Her fall, so she falls to her knees
And opens her mouth
She does what she's told, she doesn't know
He actually cares, he really wants more
And she doesn't care, because he's got what she needs
And she hates this addiction, because it feeds
Her, and she wants to starve, so I starve her
While he feeds her, but he just wants to love her
He wants to make her his everything, he loves her
He's convinced she's perfect, and he tells her he loves her
But she doesn't believe in love anymore, and he loves her
So she lets me take over, so I do
Just shed some clothes, show some skin
Don't worry, love, I'll let you in
I've already been violated, so I can sin again
It's okay, I'm in charge now,
So you can do what you want
But he does nothing, so I have to
I have to make this physical, to avoid the emotions
Because they get all tangled, all jumbled up, confused
And she would much rather know she's being used
Than think this is love when it's only lust and sex
Nothing more, her dreams on the subject
Are done, when I take over
Because love doesn't exist, and I'm here forever
For her, forever, together, inseparable
So I make it possible to both win
And I let him have a taste of her skin
He loves her tenderly, loves her sweet
But she's not responding, her heartbeat's
Gone like the wind in the open car window
Gone with the breath of her cigarette smoke
But he loves her, and she's falling
She's so scared, and she's calling me again
So I take over, the inner whore

Home Sweet Home

Dancing on the ice, thin as it is
And I'm tiptoeing across, under the bridge
Like the water I'd spilled there, gotta forgive
But it froze when my heart left
When you stole it away, the blood stopped
The ice is so thin, afraid to fall in
But I'll wake up when I drown
And my eyes will open and I'll finally see
Maybe I was worth it, this life I lead
Is it possible I was wrong?
For so long?
Was I living in an altered state?
A state of mind where the mind was my hell
Because all it did was tell me lies
And besides, I thought it was honesty
But that doesn't exist, does it baby?
Because I'm just crazy, doesn't faze me anymore
Just give me another shot of medicine,
Let me walk on the ice, let me dance
Because I've almost forgotten how to spin
When my world spins for me
Topsy turvy, rolly polly,
Staggered to the door, fell to the floor
On my knees crying out to the ceiling
Help me, please.
Just erase my memory, let me pretend
If only for a little while, I beg you
How dare you, take everything I am?
Who are you to think I can still stand?
The moon shines on my ice-thin path
Frost covering the clear, the medicine calms my fear
And I love it, because I love you
But I fear you, I'm terrified.
I ran, I hid, I smoked a few cigs
And I drank, I cried, I swore I was dying inside
Because you can't live heartless forever
And you have to have circulation to breathe
Get some blood in the capillaries
But this ice is so cold, so sharp, calling to me
And I can't break it, because then I'll be cold
Colder than I am now
I'm so cold, this ice is freezing me
But the vodka warms my throat as it goes down
And the cigarette burns my wrist, but no blood pours
I stand there, clicking my feet
Till the ice breaks, and I fall in
Home Sweet Home

I Should Have Saved You

I used to know this pretty girl
She'd always fall in love and relive the hurt
She'd wear a smile on her face and say it's okay
But she was dying inside, I know what it feels like
And now I'm standing here on a rainy day

She used to laugh, with a twinkle in her eye
She always swore to me, I'd never see her cry
And I know, that she was fighting a lost battle
But she held on to that bottle of time

And now I'm sitting in the rain
I'm crying out your name, can you hear me up there?
I left some flowers on your grave,
And I hate myself for letting you slip away
I should have saved you

I saw our picture, on my dresser in my bedroom
And there was dust all over your laughing face
I thought to myself, is there a way that she can see me?
Is she finally happy now that she's gone

And now I'm sitting in the rain
I'm crying out your name, can you hear me up there?
I left some flowers on your grave
And I hate myself for letting you slip away
I should have saved you

I should have held you tighter, spent the night
Or told you you were perfect to me
Because we're fighters, it's alright, we're
Taking the road no one travels by
But that's alright