Sanity

I've forgotten how to write
I've forgotten what it's like to speak my open mind
I don't remember why I started, only why I stopped
And yeah, I'm ashamed of myself
To shut myself up so tightly
It's humiliating

I remember a time last year
When I didn't care; you'd hear
About me having fun, with no fear
Cuz I thought time would stop, freeze right here

I remember when I'd cry myself to sleep in mourning
Just remembering the feeling of a baby unborn
Then feeling it ripped away by myself
My traitorous body, I hated myself
Blamed myself

I remember all the fighting, we were so bloodthirsty
We'd scream hellish murder and then we'd cheat
I'd leave and pray it'd be over soon
But we'd cuddle every night and kiss our own wounds

And during all this, I forgot how to write
I forgot how to be open-minded
With fingers and a brain, I can paint your nightmares
So why did I give up my sanity?