Everything But Us

So what am I supposed to do
When all I do is think of you?
And what am supposed to say
When all I want is for you to stay
But I know you're leaving and it kills me inside
Because I just want to stay just one more night
Do you remember that one day in September
When you said you'd always stay here in my heart
And I've forgiven, this life that I've been given
As long as you hold my hand as we sleep and never part

Let's just lie here under the stars
Let's just forget everything that we have to deal with it,
We'll deal with it tomorrow
Let's just lie here in the sky
And talk about our changing lives
Let's forget about everything,
Everything but us

You drove away today, you know
With the broken heart I'd always dealt with alone
Can't deal with this emptiness on my own

Let's just lie here under the stars
Let's forget everything that we have to deal with it,
We'll deal with it tomorrow
Let's just lie here in the sky
And talk about our changing lives
Let's forget about everyting,
Everything but us

Just forget everything,
Everything but us
Everything but us

Hayden James

Hayden James, it has a ring to it
It makes my heart jump just to hear it
Since I never got to hear your heart beat
This is as close as I'll ever get and I mean
I wish I could take it back, and I mean it
Because you did nothing to deserve that, and I
Had no right to take away a life I
Was given to care for
And I have love for you
And I don't even know who you are
But I know you're mine, and you are
Everything I've ever wanted
Mommy loves you so much more
Than she ever thought she could
And she's so sorry, baby
I miss you, Baby..
I stayed awake last night thinking of you
Imagining what you looked like, your hair
Your eyes, you had Daddy's
I just know it, because he has beautiful eyes
You had my attitude, and I'd regret it
Years down the road, when you wanted to grow up
And I wouldn't want to let go of you
You had my stubborn will, and you'd have me
And Daddy wrapped around your pinky
You had your Daddy's sweet demeanor
And you'd be his little boy, Hayden James
He always wanted a baby Hayden, you know
I wanted a baby boy, and I got you
I don't know what you were, and I wish I could
Because I'd sacrifice everything, I really would
I'd do everything a good mommy should
And I'm sorry, so sorry, that I didn't
I hope you can see me from your place in Heaven
I want you to read everything I'm writing
Maybe your grandpa can teach you how to read

I tried to come to you, Baby
I took the pills, I made the cuts
I wanted to be with you so badly
Because you're my version of heaven
And now that you're gone, I'm back in Hell
I'd do anything to come see you
Meet you
I wanna be with you, Baby
And I'm crying as I write this, because
I know you don't deserve this
But I'm so sorry, Darling, I'd take it back
If only I could, I guess God isn't gonna share
That must mean you're as perfect as I believe you to be
'Cuz everyone wants the beautiful people
And you're the most beautiful person I've ever known
Because you're my baby, my love
You're mine, and I love you, through everything
I love you, Hayden James.

Dear World the Second

Dear everyone,
I'm sorry I left, but I need to follow him
Or her, I'm not sure which it is
But I'm sitting here, waiting for the end
Because I don't deserve this life after my offense
And I regret everything, every single thing
I'm saying my goodbyes in poetry,
Because I'm too ashamed to be realistic
I guess I'm masochicstic or something
Maybe I'm just sadistic
I don't really know
All I know is I hate myself, and if you knew
I know you would too

Dear James,
I can't begin to explain myself
All I can say is I hate myself
I know you would have been a perfect father
And you would have loved your son or daughter
Hayden is Baby's name, I picked it out for you
Because you always wanted a Hayden
So I chose Hayden James
And I'm sorry I didn't know you to treat you
Didn't even come close to appreciating you
And I'm sorry for that, because I really do love you
I'm sorry

Dear Mommy,
You almost had a grandbaby
And I took that baby away, and I'm sorry
I can't even say it enough
And I'm sorry Daddy left you, and I've always blamed myself
Because maybe if I'd been the boy he wanted
He would have stayed with us
And I'm sorry we had to leave you alone
I know your house is my real home
But I don't deserve it and I'm sorry

Dear friends,
You've always been there for me,
Either as a friend or an enemy
And I wish I could tell you honestly what you mean to me
But I can't, because I'm not exactly sweet or sappy
But I love you all

I'm Honestly Too Depressed To Write..

And the worst part is I'll never know
Who you were, where you'd go in life
And I wouldn't have been able to give you everything
I want to give you everything you need
I would give anything to at least know for sure
And I'd give up my life to see
Your beautiful face looking back at me
Through the doctor appointments, through the glass
Let Daddy hold you, love you right
Because we have so much love to give you, even though we're only
Children ourselves, and that's why you must've left
I guess that's why you left, because I couldn't resist
The fucking drinking and this shit!
And now I'm sitting here crying,
Trying to figure out how to tell your Daddy
Because Daddy and I moved on, we broke up
But if I had known you were there, I'd have shut up
I would have made you a home where I had none
I would have told you every day you're beautiful
Because you are
And even though I didn't get to know you, I still feel empty
I didn't even know you were in me
But I remember the blood
And the test saying 'No baby here'
That kills me, Darling...