Lock and Key

I know my past isn't perfect
But who are you to talk about perfection
Because I'm waiting to hear why you can blame
Me for being what I want, when you were the same
Way you when you were a kid
And you did what everyone else did

Don't tell me I'm a slut
Because compared to all the girls at school
I keep my legs shut.
And don't tell me I whore around
Because you don't like the way
I joke around with my friends

Don't tell me I'm immoral
Just because my morals aren't the same as yours
And my labels aren't the same as yours
Neither are my requirements
Love is earned
Just like your trust
And trust me, you haven't earned either

See, unconditional love is a fairy tale
Because when I was a little girl still believing
You shot my hopes down with a paper of disbelief
And demanded payment for your mistakes
Not my own

Loyalty is everything to me
Because that's what I think it means
To be a real friend
And a sister
Instead of those fake girls in magazines
With the perfectly sculpted faces and
Airbrushed acne

To be loyal is to royal
Because if the king and queen are divided
Then the kingdom is divided
Because the divorce papers will always divide
What goes where
And who gets what

And I want to be king
And you can be queen
Because I will not be taken down
Beaten down
Oppressed and
Repressed
By a controlling someone
Anyone who tries will see
The side of me I try to keep
Hidden
Under
Lock
And
Key.

Thief

if i could steal and live to tell
the tale, believe me i would
i would take your poetry
claim your words, steal your fame
and put in in my web domain
that's what it's called right?

if i could write as well as you
and put feelings into words just like you
and make a heartless woman cry
just by reading twenty lines
i could explain my feelings
without all these revealing
letters, all put into a cage
of a word, just like my rage

if i could be like a mix & match outfit
that toddlers wear when their mom's forget
to dress them, i'd wear your talent
his irrelevant passion
and her compassionate gestures
to the beggars of those of us
with bodies of rust, and our voices are raw
so i'll steal your flaws too
because errors are better than being just you
i'll steal your perfection and make it all mine
and end the rejection i feel all the time

Beauty From Ashes

Finding beauty within the ashes is much more than camera flashes
I must find the fire and burn the past
To make an image that I know will last
I need a story to bring about
Changes in what I'm all about
I have to have a history
A mystery behind
My fucked up mind
The things I love, I know you'll hate
You'd rather have control of my fate
But to hell if I'll give up control
Of the only thing I have control of
And let you make me another golden child
One that isn't crazy and is never wild
So screw your opinion if it doesn't match mine
Or at least a version of mine in my mind
Because honestly, boy, my soul is mine
My life is mine
My body, mine
Not yours.
So I'll burn down my current self
And emerge as someone else

Reflection

i always strive to be the best
and I want to be the best one
in something, but I can never be
the girl you see on the tv screen
talking about how she didn't think this could happen to her
and she just wanted to try something to do for
fun because she has a boring life
just sitting in her bedroom staring at lights
wondering if she could touch them, if she tried
So she tried
but i failed
i lost my way on the bread crumb trail
see, my eyes aren't the best eyes
so i hate being surprised
and i can't stand being scrutinized
because if i can't do it why can you?
why can you see every one of my flaws
when i can't see past these walls
why can you hear me cry
when i cant even empathize?

i just wanted to be the best, you see
or can you not? did your sight flee?
the fat kept sliding off my thighs
the weed kept giving me all new highs
i didn't feel pain from any goodbyes
i could kill you all and not think twice
the drugs made me weak
weakness is for the meek
i didn't eat for a week
to make myself thin
and see myself grin
in the mirror when i saw my bone-thin
rib cage, sticking out like welts
and my jeans don't fit anymore because i have no more belts

and i stayed away from home because i can't be the one
i can't be the daughter you wanted from day one
you can't understand
what you won't understand
i smoke, i drink, i still cut my skin
but it's not that important, because, hell, now i'm thin!

and yes, i have a tattoo, but no, it's not done
i still have to get more words on it, because there's only one
and yeah, it's totally opposite to what i think i am
but that's why i'm getting it finished to reflect who i am
to say you burned me down and kicked me
but i came out from the fire and started to see
what it meant to be me

Awesome Power

Wanting to be known she looks deeper into how we look at her
as a people we fail to see what it is we're meant to see
and im not perfect, i judge the judged
but what if we're not the judges?

what if there's a tiny man
with a gavel in his hand
waiting for us to fall in quicksand
so he can laugh and smack his thigh
and say you all just act so high
and mighty but who pulls the strings?
who makes you sing?

who makes you love and hate at all
and who makes you want to watch each other fall
who created the passion that engulfs you all?
i sit here and watch every one of you fall
to your humility and lose your strength
because your pitiful vanity is nothing in length
to my awesome power