Reflection

i always strive to be the best
and I want to be the best one
in something, but I can never be
the girl you see on the tv screen
talking about how she didn't think this could happen to her
and she just wanted to try something to do for
fun because she has a boring life
just sitting in her bedroom staring at lights
wondering if she could touch them, if she tried
So she tried
but i failed
i lost my way on the bread crumb trail
see, my eyes aren't the best eyes
so i hate being surprised
and i can't stand being scrutinized
because if i can't do it why can you?
why can you see every one of my flaws
when i can't see past these walls
why can you hear me cry
when i cant even empathize?

i just wanted to be the best, you see
or can you not? did your sight flee?
the fat kept sliding off my thighs
the weed kept giving me all new highs
i didn't feel pain from any goodbyes
i could kill you all and not think twice
the drugs made me weak
weakness is for the meek
i didn't eat for a week
to make myself thin
and see myself grin
in the mirror when i saw my bone-thin
rib cage, sticking out like welts
and my jeans don't fit anymore because i have no more belts

and i stayed away from home because i can't be the one
i can't be the daughter you wanted from day one
you can't understand
what you won't understand
i smoke, i drink, i still cut my skin
but it's not that important, because, hell, now i'm thin!

and yes, i have a tattoo, but no, it's not done
i still have to get more words on it, because there's only one
and yeah, it's totally opposite to what i think i am
but that's why i'm getting it finished to reflect who i am
to say you burned me down and kicked me
but i came out from the fire and started to see
what it meant to be me