Deception

How can you say you want help
If you refuse the help that's offered?
If you lie to those who give you shelter?
And refuse to give a thought to others' feelings?

I rescued you from those who persecute you
I brought you to your haven
My hell
Yet you go behind my back

Making deals with the neighbor
My brother, for cigarettes and weed
When you know they won't help your situation
Disobeying the rules I set down
So you can escape more often

I've been in your situation
Your mindset
I know how you feel
How you work
Don't take me for a blind man
I can see
Hear
Feel
I know when you lie to me
I know when you steal

But I'm done tolerating every bit of deception
Every lie
Will count against you in the grand scheme of things

When I Look At You

This is about a really good friend of mine, Alea. I wrote this to try to put down my feelings towards her into words, but I don't know if it's possible. She's my best friend, my sister. I love you Alli.


I see beauty when you're in my sight
I don't see a child with problems
A disgrace to her parents
Her family
I see a girl who's tried to do nothing but good
And came out looking bad
I hear laughter come from your mouth
And that joy makes me want to cry
I hear the pain in your voice, pleading
"Get me out of here....Please"
I hear your parents complain about lies and thievery
And heck, I know you do that
You tell me all the time
But I also hear them disrespect you
Demand everything you have
Restrict you in every way
For no reason.

When I look at you, I don't see a fat girl
I see beauty, just radiating from your eyes
Your scars, burns, tears
I see your problems lessen in every smoky cigarette-filled exhale
The stress being relieved with every drop of blood

When I see you, I see what every boy that chases you misses
Your humor, your soft hands
Your sparkly personality with the sarcasm of a diva
Your desire for love, not just another sex-crazed high schooler

When I look at you, I see your struggles
I see what you try to hide
I see your need for acceptance,
Love. I see your longing to be the good child
But being overwhelmed by the pressure
I see your reasons for wanting to leave
And I know where you want to go

I see your body, the body you despise
Because your legs are too 'fat'
Your stomach, too 'big'
Your curves, too curvy

I regret you finding out about my eating habits
I rue the night we discussed how big we were
When really, you're the most beautiful girl I know
And I don't lie about beauty

I wish I hadn't encouraged you
I wish I'd kept it a better secret from you

When I look at you,
My best friend since we met
I see the perfect example of a rebel
I see what I once knew, what used to be familiar
What destroyed me in the end
When I look at you, I see me.