When I Look At You

This is about a really good friend of mine, Alea. I wrote this to try to put down my feelings towards her into words, but I don't know if it's possible. She's my best friend, my sister. I love you Alli.


I see beauty when you're in my sight
I don't see a child with problems
A disgrace to her parents
Her family
I see a girl who's tried to do nothing but good
And came out looking bad
I hear laughter come from your mouth
And that joy makes me want to cry
I hear the pain in your voice, pleading
"Get me out of here....Please"
I hear your parents complain about lies and thievery
And heck, I know you do that
You tell me all the time
But I also hear them disrespect you
Demand everything you have
Restrict you in every way
For no reason.

When I look at you, I don't see a fat girl
I see beauty, just radiating from your eyes
Your scars, burns, tears
I see your problems lessen in every smoky cigarette-filled exhale
The stress being relieved with every drop of blood

When I see you, I see what every boy that chases you misses
Your humor, your soft hands
Your sparkly personality with the sarcasm of a diva
Your desire for love, not just another sex-crazed high schooler

When I look at you, I see your struggles
I see what you try to hide
I see your need for acceptance,
Love. I see your longing to be the good child
But being overwhelmed by the pressure
I see your reasons for wanting to leave
And I know where you want to go

I see your body, the body you despise
Because your legs are too 'fat'
Your stomach, too 'big'
Your curves, too curvy

I regret you finding out about my eating habits
I rue the night we discussed how big we were
When really, you're the most beautiful girl I know
And I don't lie about beauty

I wish I hadn't encouraged you
I wish I'd kept it a better secret from you

When I look at you,
My best friend since we met
I see the perfect example of a rebel
I see what I once knew, what used to be familiar
What destroyed me in the end
When I look at you, I see me.