The Dead of Night

The dead of night, when the monsters come out
Now I know what they were talking about

The howling grips my throat in fear
Please no! Please don't leave me here!

Don't let go of my hand, I'll scream
I don't want to stay in this building, this thing

Scratching my face with its razor-sharp nails
I didn't think this was part of the deal!

The darkness won't relent, refuses to give in
Knowing everything will go its way in the end

Darkness prevails, the light's now dull
Soon to turn to black as well

Apocalypse

Do me a favor, my dear, don't lie
Let's have an honest discussion, you and I
Just listen for a while, don't say a word
Don't give away what you'll have heard
The story coming out of my mouth
Is a story of love, of lust, and doubt

Once, way back, you know how it begins
All the fairy tale stories, but you don't know the end
You can't know what will happen, for I've never told
Anyone my secret, why I'm so cold
Why I'm so distant, why I smirk at your pain
Why I only enjoy the outdoors in the rain

I'm sorry, my child, my mind has grown faint
I so dislike reminiscing in my mistakes
But I fear I must, so you can say
'Grandma always had a reason to be that way'
I don't want you to think I don't care
Or that you were a mistake, no, my dear

You're precious, all of you are
Have I ever told you the origin of the stars?
Oh, right, the story. Another time then,
The setting is long ago, two-thousand-ten
You don't remember that year, do you?
Your mother had yet to be born; it's true

Grandma is old, well beyond her death
Who would've thought she's see meth
Become legal, the world turn to black
The devils that patrol daily, in fact
Used to be good kids, before the war
Before the portal opened up that door

Of evil and let the demons come out
Now I see what the priests were shouting about
The horrors I witnessed were required to be feared
The thought of a wandering children covered in tears
Looking into the depths of those bottomless eyes
Knowing no matter what you do, you can't make it right

Just keeping that image in your every thought
Should be enough for your heart to rot
Then the hope that returns when you see the food
The patrol bringing you faith that this could turn to good
But the winter comes, and you see your past
Turn into dust, as well as the last

Remains of your loved ones, the ones who ran
Away from is new immaculate plan
To destroy our life, our dreams, our love
When was it ever an option to say 'Enough!'
That's all we ever asked of the God we once knew
We just wanted to know if our lives were through!

My dears, I think I should lie down for a while
Better get some rest before I faint or die
Now now, child, I'm just joking around
I would never leave you without a sound
Of alarm, like God's angels' trumpets
Sounding through the night like beautiful voices


Oh dear me, child! Is that really what I see?
Is the Great Almighty looking back down at me?
I must follow Him, I must go
To the Heaven I've always wanted to know
You'll forgive me Father, right?
I know I did terrible things before this fight


But I know what's wrong with the way I behaved
I didn't know they'd listen to the choice that I'd made
Please forgive me, I take it all back
Just give me the sense of peace that I lack
Oh thank you Father! But wait-what about them?
I cannot just leave them, my only kin

Let us all go, Jesus, please
We will forever bow to our knees
Thank you Father

Fire

I'm sorry if I seem distant
It's all a mask, I swear
It's not the real me, I'm not the same
Girl as I am in this place
I'm more outgoing
Kind
Funny
Happy
But this place, this room,
This building corrupts me
Making me go insane from the
Inside out
Crazy
Anger
Hatred
The scars on my arms glow in
My darkness, never ceasing
The fire in my eyes gets angrier
It's hotter
Wilder
This fire's out of control
Help..

Never Ending Friendship

I can no longer hide my face
When all I see is anger and hate

What you expect me to be is not what I am
Those footprints you see right there in the sand

Are not mine, nor will they be
No matter how you beg and plead

The path you took is your own fault
I did nothing to encourage your fall

You rejected my help, said you were able
To do it yourself, then why aren't you capable

Why do you come, begging for help?
Because just last week you were sure of yourself

Said you were strong, you could take on the world
Said not even I could stop the rebuttal

But you failed, you fell
Faster
Faster
Faster yet

But I'm not helping you this time
This time you're not mine

Not my responsibility, not anymore
Do you need help finding your way to the door?

You can leave anytime, preferably now
Before I kick you out of my house

Goodbye, little monster, hypocritical friend
There goes the friendship that never ends..

On my vacation, my family went to Florida. Since we drove 1500+ miles, I had plenty of time to think, which I took advantage of. I came to the conclusion that I really do hate myself. I say I hate so many people, when I just want to die. It'd make my family's life so much easier, less dramatic, less chaotic.
I constantly tell myself the words I feel I need to hear.. You're so fat; just one cut; go find your damn pills and just make everyone happy! The sad part is, I listen to this voice. I can't live without this voice in my head insulting me, accusing me, day and night. I can't give myself a moment's peace for fear that I'll be happy and ruin something good.
I rather like being by myself, just me and my psychotic voice. It gives me a chance to come up with more insults more things about myself that I hate. Trust me, there are quite a few. My weight, body, attitude, looks, past, present, future. Everything, to be honest. When I really feel like a failure, I tell myself exactly what I will probably end up being when I grow up. A druggie. Just like my old man, as I used to say. Like father, like daughter.
I guess the whole point of my letting my blog know who my worst enemy is is to explain my behavior. Thanks for reading.