Song for the Weary

I know you're crying out to me, I see it in your eyes
But I'll forever turn my head, though I can read your mind
You feel worthless, as if you're a grain of sand
And no matter how much you scream and yell, they just don't understand
You close your drawbridge, shutting out the world
But trust me, my love, you aren't stopping the hurt
It's surrounding your thoughts, like a corpse in a shroud
And like the deceased, you cannot speak aloud
You can't share your heart, for fear of the shame
You already know you're the one to blame
So you let the blood fall to the tiled bathroom floor
And hope that, in your dreams, you can make it to shore
Because, my darling, you're drowning, far out at sea
Your family and friends aren't always what you want them to be
The girls you go to school with will someday grow gray
The boys that may have hurt you aren't the same as they were yesterday
Your blade has turned black, like your hated for them
But, my dear, you'll need them in the end
They're the anchor holding you to the ground
For you'd be in space had they not been around
Your mind is still drifting through the blue sky
And your tears are still invisible no matter how you cry
You cannot change your past-just hope for a new day
And listen intently to what I'm about to say:
Let your dreams come softly at night
But when they're of love, don't put up a fight
Remember the stories you have been shown
For someday, my love, the life you save may be your own

Letter To A Soldier

I got a letter from a soldier today
Someone you’ve never met
But he’s a friend, or so I say
Please don’t be upset
I asked him to write to me
When he passed to Vietnam
All I wanted was brutal honesty
Don’t you understand?
Your letters home all say hello
And Mother doesn’t suspect at all
But I’m not a child, Brother, I know
The actual battle where dozens fall
He tells me about feeling like prey
And living in fear every day

Brother, I miss you, and your death I fear
I don’t want to see you die
And though it means you’d always be near
I refuse to let your body rot in the place where dead soldiers lie
I know about the insects that bite you in your sleep
The eyes watching in the night
I hear the neighborhood mothers weep
When the reality of the war comes into the light
Medicine cannot save the lives
Of the many fallen men
And peace is a dream I’ve come to despise
Because it turns to death in the end
I can’t continue to live like this
Dreaming of the bullets that somehow always miss

In my nightmares they hit their bulls-eye
Blood pouring out in crimson red
I see your eyes widen in shock and I cry
Because I know you’ll soon be dead
The enemy I see inside my dreams
Are black images in my mind
And when I see the blood, I know what it means
I can feel your body’s pain in mine
I know your final thoughts are of anger and rage
Upset that you can’t make this right
And your ferocity cannot be kept in a cage
Not with all of your might
This dream haunts me in my head
Like a nightmare that comes when I lay in bed


We got a letter from you today
Mother was almost in tears
She was so happy to open it and say
That you’ll be home next year
The letter drifted to the floor
And Mother fell to her knees
I grabbed it and ran to the door
Ready to burn it because I don’t want to see
I know what it says; you were brave
And if we need money, just call
But if money were the thing that could save
You, my brother, wouldn’t fall
I go to school shrouded in black
Because happiness won’t bring you back..

Teen Mom

I hate it when the sky is blue
And I lay in the grass but I all can think of is you
Of your voice, claiming your love
And telling me about the clouds above
Your fingers caressing my goose-bumped arm
The red lights were blinking, sounding an alarm
But I was too blind to notice the wrong
I was too focused on singing childish songs
I didn't believe it could happen to us
We're indestructible, so pure from lust
Our love was so pure, so eternal and true
So simple, all it took was, "I love you"
And I was hooked
That moment you took my nose out of my book
You'd spend the week at my place, staying in the guest room
My parents said they could trust you, and I did too
You never did anything wrong to anyone I know
So why did you betray us in our own home?
The bed was white, the blood was red
Except they didn't believe a word I said
"He's a good boy, child, you'll see
You and him were meant to be
You'll get over your fear of him
Just let your heart welcome him in
He's the one that will treat you right
The only one you'll find home at night."
They wanted me to commit myself
To the man who stole the last bit of myself
I can't be near the bed you stained
And anywhere someone knows my name
So tell my parents that I'm okay
And that I won't let my daughter end up this way

Tension

Note: I wrote this immediately after an argument with Jim, in which he basically told me he hopes God sends me to Hell, where I belong. My apologies if this makes no sense; I don't do well when I'm upset.

Your voice is fiery, your grip is like steel
I don't think I can escape- this agreement's been sealed
Our eternal battle has many years til it ends
I'll be surprised if we ever become friends
Our arms are locked in a power war
No victory yet, just bruises and sores
The broken mirrors, once showing my faults
Were transformed into a safe, my own little vault
The walls I was just taking down are erected once again
Higher, stronger, I'll never trust you again
The desert of my soul, scorched in love's thirst
Was moist for a while, before your lightning storms set ablaze the dirt
I'd thought we had love in our heart for each other, after five years of hate
But I see now that that particular hope is a waste
You won't change your 'superior' ways, and I won't change mine
We're on the edges of our sanity, overstepping the line
The bomb is ticking, Father, and it won't stop just because you demand it
Once it goes off, the dynamite will be lit
We'll start a nuclear fight, the Cold War reincarnate
Let's see what kind of havoc we can make
Hatred, selfishness, greed, and confusion
We can't keep reality separate from illusion
We've each deceived the opponent too many times
And when we snap, we don't realize what replays in our opposite's mind
I hear your regret, I, your ungrateful daughter
I know you wish I was more like, Betrenna, my elder
I hear your anger through the cellular phone
And I know you don't care if I end up alone

To My Father

How could I ask him to come see me
When your faces tell him to turn and leave
Before you even know his name
You see he's gay, and that he's unashamed
Your eyes scream DEMON before he walks in
Glaring him down, challenging him
How can I ask someone to go through that
Just to come inside and chat?

How can I ask her to drop on by
When you know we used to get high
Before you even hear her story
You tell her to "Scram!" and redeem your own glory
By ridding your home of all the sin
That I, your prodigal daughter, has brought in

Why am I expected to make him stay
When you judge him for the choices he's made
But, see, that his history, his past
He can't pretend to have a memory lapse
And ignore house arrest, the police cars
Checking up on him every few hours

This is a lesson the younger people teach
The older generations just want to preach
But that's not how you react to rape, abuse
You don't blame them for the drugs they've used
We've all made mistakes, some are wrong, some, right
But trust me on this, Dad, I'm not going to lose this fight.