I'm So Angry!

I'm sick of pretending everything's okay
When it's not
I'm sick of acting as if it's my fault
When I did nothing
I'm tired of fighting with you over the smallest things
And coming within an inch of my sanity
I'm going insane from your deception
Violent from my rage
Burning anger
Ticking like a bomb
Tick...Tick...Tick
I'm going to blow
And when my fist comes close to your face, you'll know
That every negative comment you've made about me
And every instigated argument
Has been forever in my memory
Permanently etched into my mind, repeating itself
"Abusive, violent, hateful, terrible"
It's a prophecy coming true
And I swear to you
When the bomb ignites
In the dead of the night
You better run and hide
For soon you might die
Of your own hatred, your greed, your hurtful "innocent" words
You're going to be the murderer, not me
You'll take your own life, or the life of your own
Your sister could be drowned in her own blood by now
And you're so stuck in your own world
You wouldn't have noticed a thing unless it was online
Or on your deceitful addiction's bed
And you wouldn't have noticed the cuts on my neck
Unless it had been on the tv screen
And even then, it wouldn't be me
It'd be the stranger in your house
Who shares your blood, eats your food
And 'wants to destroy you'

War

The white flag of surrender has just been shot down
The machine guns echo through the valley
Bloody bodies strewn across the battlefield
Memories forgotten
The past is brought up constantly
Twisted words make the good seem bad
And as our allies realize it's death for one
They quickly choose without thinking

Why is this battle even going on?
This war was supposed to end
No one else was supposed to get hurt
No friendship was supposed to die

This isn't the Fall of Jericho,
At least not with vegetables
This is a full-blown war, with weapons everywhere
Navy ships trying to surround each other
Chasing their enemies like a dog and a tail
Airplanes scream overhead
Drowning out the sound of dying men
Trying to shoot, be stealthy
Trying to be a spy, to find a weakness

And so far, I'm winning the war
But I'm not very proud of it
I don't like bragging I can ruin a life
With the press of a button
I don't want to face my friends back home
And have them reject me

This isn't the Vietnam War
Civil War
Revolutionary War
Iraq War
No, this is the Friendship War
Where relationships die
Where words are said that can't be retracted
Where threats are made that cause panic
This is the war without end

The Animal Inside

I sat down with a sheet of paper and a pencil for the first time in ages, wanting to describe this girl that had been running through my imagination. She was, in now way, familiar to me, but I felt as if I knew everything about her. And I had to write it down, try to put her into words. It was hard, but I hopefully got the main idea. Enjoy!


She reminds me of a wounded lioness
Don't get close or you'll die
And sometimes she's like Brooklyn's finest
As if she's better than you and I
But sometimes she's like a butterfly
Never settling down
Because when she lands for even a hand of time
Her world comes crashing down
You see, she's kinda like an elephant
Her mind will never forge
Whether impoverishment or elegance
She'll always remember it
She sees the world in black and white
Not a puppy's gray
Everything's always flight, not fight
And yet she always ends up in this exact place
Right here is where her childhood died
When Daddy screamed and Mommy cried
Then Mommy left, Daddy came at night
Heading for her sister, who she was sleeping beside
Turning her onto her back he sighed
And the little girl screamed and ran with all her might
And now she runs from any sign of danger
A frightened sparrow with a hawk at her back
And all the mothers in town warn of strangers
Thinking of the girl, afraid she'll attack
Because they don't see the angel wings
When all the want to find is horns
And they don't know the joy she'll bring
When she opens them up and soars

Crush

My feelings for you weren't from out of the blue
Repressed for months, they eventually broke through
Argue with me, say that I'm lying
But when you say you love another girl
My spirits start dying
So many things I wish I could say
But that would break all the laws that I've made
Two plus two is equal to four
But anger and anger just equal a war
I get too jealous, and so do you
And no matter what I say, it'll never be true
I've been laying in bed trying to stay away
But your voice is so addicting, impossible to throw away
Even if I could, I'm not sure I'd want to
I like hearing you say you'd always be true
And that no matter what I'd say or do
You'd call me every night and say, "I love you"

Remorse

If I could go back in time to three days ago
What I would probably find would rip out my heart and soul
The child in the backseat of the beat-up SUV
Was screaming for his mother, and reached his hand towards me
His sister's body lay on top of him, trying to save his life
I guess it worked, but not without a price
Her face was covered by long black hair, and blood was on her hands
I could still hear her screaming, "Stop!" but I was too drunk to understand
The child's father was in the driver's seat, and I hit them head-on
He was dead in an instant, they said, just like that-gone
The child sitting in the back of the car had a few words to say
Before the ambulance arrived and took the child away
He told me, in his delirium, that today they went to the zoo
And then he asked me in his child-like voice, "What did you do?"
What could I say to the sole survivor of a massacre
No matter how accidental, plain murder, I'm sure
How would I casually mention
My refusal for intervention
And how I thought I could heal alone
I'm not an alcoholic, I'm clean to the bone
I only have a drink every week or so
I never thought my actions would bring me down this low
The police came and took him
And said I needed to come with them
I told them the truth, no use hiding it
Because honestly, I wasn't able to hide it
I got the expected punishment for the deaths I caused
And during the jail time I sat down and just paused
Today I killed three people. Why?
Why did they have to die? Why not I?
I regret taking that swig of beer
And clearing away all the child held dear
So I lay down on my couch today
And think of what happened that day
That night when my world came crashing down
And that whole time I could only hear one sound
The sound of the dead, and the child that cried
The night his entire childhood died
I'm sorry