Prayer of the Sinner

Let me learn to love the unseen
Help me to forgive, to repent, to be clean
Give me the strength to carry on with my day
Give me peace in my mind, clear the disarray
Make my life as You want it to be
Full of love and joy, or test me with suffering
Let me feel Your presence, drown me in Your heart
Spare me from Your enemy, don't let us drift apart
Because I want to learn to know Your ways
And give myself to You and obey
I want you to be my first thought
Every morning and say I was bought
By the Superior God, no other can stand against
No other has Your army, because You're indeed the best
Satan only lies, he steals away Your own
Muhammad could only live so long, his words weren't engraved into stone
Buddha agrees with love, with happiness and joy
But he also seems to think that life's only a toy
But You have taught Your people that only You can save
And because the world's Your opposite, we must be consistently brave
People will not love us, because we don't love the world
And we don't need to follow society's rules, for we listen to Your word
Humans will always let us down, You've taught me that quite well
But I'm just starting to realize I need to leave my shell
I'd built up a castle, fortified, strong
But You ripped it down, because You know I was wrong
I'm meant to be a witness, to discourage misplaced love
I'm supposed to interpret symbols, like the olive branch and dove
It's hard to break out of here
When the outside world is my biggest fear
I don't want to be hated, to be told I'm wasting my time
How can I explain I'm Yours and You're mine?
No one seems to understand the relationship we share
And I guess that might be the legitimate reason speaking makes me scared
I'm a Jonah mixed with Moses, I can't speak to crowds
I'm not one of those outspoken girls, not afraid to speak aloud
I'm also really selfish, and I have a lot of hate
I don't want to share You with some girls, let them decide their fates
So help me, God, to be like You
And I'll be back in Heaven with You
I'll stand in the entrance to Your grand home
And kneel at Your feet as You sit on Your throne
And when that day comes, when the angels start to sing
You'll be waiting for me, the Light my death will bring

Love is Enough

When we were talking earlier today
I thought of something I should say:
I love everything you do
The way you smile, say, "I love you"
I love it when you touch me, it shows how much you care
I love it when you caress my arm, and when you play with my hair
I love it when you make me food; God knows I love to eat
I love it when you text me randomly, saying you bought a treat
I love how simple our love is, and how words cannot describe
What we feel inside
Our hearts are close to bursting, our lips tired from the kiss
Our memories are becoming full from all the images we don't wanna miss
So, my love, I'll be sweet, but only out of love
'Cause I love you, you love me, and love is always enough

Are You Serious?!

Alright, I'm going to vent. You have a problem? Leave.
So, Hayley made a duct tape prom dress this past year. She was on the news, in the papers, and constantly the topic of discussion in the entire Jacobs' family. Sue always told everyone how proud she was and how not everyone is that talented. Blah, blah, blah. I was proud of her too, until she became the favorite-again.
Betrenna's going to college-to be a vet. She's the innocent daughter who never does anything wrong. She's never smoked, had a drink, been in bad situations, nothing. She's like a nun. She's always at school, doing her work, being with her Christian friend and her not-so-Christian boyfriend. And she's such a beautiful violinist! Get over it. Out of 8 kids, 6 of them are beautiful violinists. Oh, well.
Then there's me. Yeah, yeah, I've had a pretty effed up past. I won't lie. But, I do well in school. I'm in the honors program, I excel in every class. All A's except for gym..I'm disabled, duh. But, alas, I'm the writer. My parents couldn't acknowledge me less about my writing. I don't even think my brothers and sister know. And, seriously, that hurts. No one really cares. I'm the quiet, angry child who sits on her computer typing up some dumb rhymes. Maybe I should stop and look for something more worth my time. I don't know.
Anyway, I'm done now. I'm going to shuck corn now.

My Dear, You'll Never Win

So I just found out some stuff that really, really upset me. So, after venting to James, I decided I should write about it instead of going on a rampage. Sorry if it makes no sense, but for those who have talked to me in the past few months should know what I'm talking about.

Who gave you the right to step into my life?
Slicing open my paper-thin walls with your machete knife
Ripping apart all that I love
When will you have had enough?
Don't you feel regret for the friendships you've killed
Or does it not matter how the rest of us feel?
Your constant presence, unwanted, yet here
Is exactly why you should shake in fear
Because you've waken a half
I thought I'd put to death
But now she's back, thirsty for blood
And you're her first target, aren't you, my love?
You're quite familiar with the demonic side of me
And I know you're not so stupid as to try to find pity
Within my own, the ones I've claimed
You can't touch them without giving yourself shame
Because I've encouraged the monster you've become
And I can tear you apart if I want
The anger inside me makes my body weak
And the best part is, it's YOU she seeks
So beware, my dear, your end shall come
And when it does, well, I'll be the last one
You see, when your life turns to shit
Worse than it is, at least, and more than a tad bit
No, your life will be cut with a rusty blade
And when it's over, I'll dance on your grave
Your friends will all run
When they hear me come
You'll hide in your bed
Like a child, instead
Of trying to fight me
Because trust me, dearie, you can't defeat me

I'm So Angry!

I'm sick of pretending everything's okay
When it's not
I'm sick of acting as if it's my fault
When I did nothing
I'm tired of fighting with you over the smallest things
And coming within an inch of my sanity
I'm going insane from your deception
Violent from my rage
Burning anger
Ticking like a bomb
Tick...Tick...Tick
I'm going to blow
And when my fist comes close to your face, you'll know
That every negative comment you've made about me
And every instigated argument
Has been forever in my memory
Permanently etched into my mind, repeating itself
"Abusive, violent, hateful, terrible"
It's a prophecy coming true
And I swear to you
When the bomb ignites
In the dead of the night
You better run and hide
For soon you might die
Of your own hatred, your greed, your hurtful "innocent" words
You're going to be the murderer, not me
You'll take your own life, or the life of your own
Your sister could be drowned in her own blood by now
And you're so stuck in your own world
You wouldn't have noticed a thing unless it was online
Or on your deceitful addiction's bed
And you wouldn't have noticed the cuts on my neck
Unless it had been on the tv screen
And even then, it wouldn't be me
It'd be the stranger in your house
Who shares your blood, eats your food
And 'wants to destroy you'