What Is Happening to the Word?!

Wow...I really never realized how omnipresent pornography is in our society. I never looked for it, yet I found it.  Alot.
I was looking for a prom dress because my boyfriend, James, is a junior. So I went to google images and looked up Long Emo Prom Dresses. Let's face it, I'm emo-obsessed. I love the hair, the personalities, the makeup, clothes, everything.I saw this really cute dress so I clicked on it. Immediately, a bunch of advertisements showed up. Not just words or pictures, but the actual videos. It was sickening.
Stupidity got the best of me, and I clicked on one of the videos to try to make it stop. The funny thing was, it did stop-but it also went to the actual site. What was extremely disgusting was that the site was made by teens, for teens, and it was free! Sure, you had to be at least 18, but seriously, how many people will lie about their age to get acceptance? Tons. There were different categories that you could click on if you were a member, such as "hot emo girls", "girl-on-girl", and stuff like that. But what I found immensely freaky was that there was a category about 'hacked webcams'. Hacked! I now know what people mean when they say you should be careful with webcam... And there's not even a need to sign up, because there's clips right on the main page! It angers me!
Some of the videos were just revenge videos guys put up there when their girlfriends dumped them or cheated on them. Jeesh, now I'm scared about who to date! One even said 'She F*cked My Best Friend'....great way to handle it you d*ckwad!
This isn't the first time this has happened, either. It pops up everywhere. Way back before Marapets.com was  the new 'thing', I loved it. But if you misspelled marapets and left out a letter, you'd be forwarded to an adult porn site! Dang you people, I was freaking 13 years old!
"We can help protect the innocence of our children, stolen on the internet with images they can't forget" -Skillet, Looking for Angels

The Runaway

Look at the child

With the tear-streaked face

No one who walks past

Can distract her from her daze

She looks right at you

And you know who she is

You blink just to check

But the familiarity disappears with the wind

You see the bruises

The rags she wears

The same clothes she's had

For the past two years

Her hand reaches for you

Begging for your help

You try to move but your hand is stuck

Right beside yourself

You keep struggling

Trying to break free

But this wall she has up

Won't fall easily

It will take a miracle

To knock down her guard

Longer than that, even

To get to her heart

She's gotten cold

After years of neglect

But this child you see

Lives with no regrets

She's out of his control

Her father the 'saint'

He pushed her too far

Inflicted too much pain

She'll gladly suffer

To be who she wants

To be away from him

His cruelty and thoughts

This girl looks frail

But on the inside, is strong

If you think her life is easy,

You couldn't be more wrong

It took her years to get out

Even more months to plan

To try to go through with it

Was harder than you can understand

But she did it

This little girl right here

Saved her life and future

From the man called Fear

But now he's back

Oblivious to her identity

This is why the wall is up

It's there intentionally

To protect her from him

The way you never could

You never stopped the burning anger

You just threw in more wood

Adding to the fire

Until it burned her down

But she emerged from the ashes

And became who she is now

Stronger than the daughter

You always strived to have

Stronger than the girl you knew

Who loved to make you mad

This child in front of us

With the impenetrable wall

Knew you would be back

Did you expect them to fall?

She saw you look through the crowd

Noticed your searching eyes

Looking for that smile she had

In her other life

Back when she pretended

To actually care for you

The man that killed her time and again

Before the day was through

This child right before you

With the dirty sewer smell

Know you better than she wants to

She knows you all too well

That is why you cannot see

The woman she's become

That's why you haven't been able to see

That she and I are one

The Girl Who Committed Suicide...And Those of Us Who She Left

The eyes, so green and full of life
The face, so vibrant even in the night
The girl, so rebellious, full of fight
The memory of her, forever in sight

Now I see her here again
Laying before me in a coffin
Skin so pale, the light is dim
Trying to hide us from her sins

They closed her eyes forevermore
Unable to let us look through the door
Can't see the soul, see it soar
Now she's just cold to the core

Grabbing her hand, I look at her body
See the things she had to see
During her last moments, did she blame me
For her death? NO! I scream

I didn't listen to her subtle cries
It was hard to look through her eyes
Hiding under makeup, under the lies
That she was fine, everyone dies

But not my best friend, no, not you
You're time on Earth with me wasn't through
I didn't say you could leave me, your family too
I thought we made a pact, that's what friends do

I would try to help if you tried to stop
Hurting yourself, was it too much?
You drained your body, down to every last drop
When you got that high, did you feel on top?

Did you enjoy hurting me?
Did you think that if you died I would see
The pain you felt and feel guilty
About letting you die so abruptly?
Just hear me out for a minute, please
Though you're dead, I'm on my knees
Begging for forgiveness, neglecting dignity
To give you what you wanted this whole scene
The attention you craved, but could never achieve
Not as long as you had no integrity
Using the drugs to escape your enemy
Why couldn't you just let it be?
Why make it bigger than it even seemed?
It couldn't have been that bad, was he?
Is that why you left me so quickly
Before the proper and planned ending?
Is it because he's really that mean?

So many questions, my friend, to ask
But now I must find the courage I lack
To help the grieving souls in black
Because you couldn't stand to halt the attack
On yourself, we want you back

Because as hard as it is, we miss you
Miss the girl that used to be true
To us, and would always come through
But we want to know if this is true
Though you're not here, do you miss us too?

What I Learned When I was Drinking

So, last night I had the unfortunate yet fortunate pleasure of experiencing drunkenness. I do regret it to an extent, but only because it upsets James. Otherwise, it really helped. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I wasn't drunk off my booty, as some people say. No, I was just drunk. I don't really remember the whole night, but I do remember bits and pieces. Here's what I learned:
I learned why I shouldn't drink around boys! Thankfully, the only boy around was my puppy. But I realized that emotions can get mingled easily, even more so with the addition of brandy, wine, and Busch Light. (I rejected the super-strong smelling moonshine, so I'm not that dumb.) Let's just say I said some things to a friend of mine that I wouldn't normally say..
Another great example of what I learned is that when you're drinking because you're depressed, you tend to drink more than you think you will. Fortunately for me, I realized what was going on and I stopped drinking so much. I'd been cutting once to twice a day since the beginning of the week, (which probably won't help my anemia..), and it wasn't a good idea for Alea to secretly bring over the alcohol without my knowledge, but once Alea starts something, she'll finish it. Trust me.
Finally, I figured out that a klutz, me, should not drink a lot and then try to carry my puppy to the bed...It doesn't work well..

The Best That I Can Be

So I went to a disabled camp for a week, because obviously, I'm disabled. Once there, I met this really, REALLY preppy-looking older teenager. I thought Good God, please don't make me be with a prep! But after meeting Katie, camp got a whole new meaning. I actually had fun singing at the talent show and dancing with my counterpart Ryan/Brenda. After I got back from camp, I wrote her a song. That was four years ago, so I totally lost it...Oops. So I wrote her a new one, and I'm going to sing it at camp this year, when the talent show comes back up. Enjoy, and please edit... I appreciate the suggestions. :)

I'm looking at the phone and it's saying your name
And I'm scared to answer it now because my mind is filled with shame
Just today's sins could disappoint you again and again
But as I cry you say you'll be there at the end
Of the race, when I'm ready to come home
You say this whole time, I haven't been alone
I wish I could take back yesterday
And all of those irreversible mistakes
But since that's not a possible request
I'll just have to say this I guess

I don't know why you let me call you friend
I don't know why you stayed with me then
Through all the tears, the fears, the lies
And all the times I tried to die
And I know you want the best for me
You'll do anything to help me be
The best that I can be

And I don't know why I chose these words
I can't think of a better way to word
What's been on my mind ever since we met
That week in June at the camp
At the end of it all, you were the hope
That things could be different, I could know
Someone cared, would call just to say hi
And hear the funniest stories in life
Who'd want to kidnap me for food
(Shopping might be included)

The day I lose a hold of life
Is the day I hold on with all my might
I'm gonna try to not worry about my plight
As long as I can see the light
Stay with me now, don't leave my sight
And we'll be friends through the long night