My feelings for you weren't from out of the blue
Repressed for months, they eventually broke through
Argue with me, say that I'm lying
But when you say you love another girl
My spirits start dying
So many things I wish I could say
But that would break all the laws that I've made
Two plus two is equal to four
But anger and anger just equal a war
I get too jealous, and so do you
And no matter what I say, it'll never be true
I've been laying in bed trying to stay away
But your voice is so addicting, impossible to throw away
Even if I could, I'm not sure I'd want to
I like hearing you say you'd always be true
And that no matter what I'd say or do
You'd call me every night and say, "I love you"
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Remorse
If I could go back in time to three days ago
What I would probably find would rip out my heart and soul
The child in the backseat of the beat-up SUV
Was screaming for his mother, and reached his hand towards me
His sister's body lay on top of him, trying to save his life
I guess it worked, but not without a price
Her face was covered by long black hair, and blood was on her hands
I could still hear her screaming, "Stop!" but I was too drunk to understand
The child's father was in the driver's seat, and I hit them head-on
He was dead in an instant, they said, just like that-gone
The child sitting in the back of the car had a few words to say
Before the ambulance arrived and took the child away
He told me, in his delirium, that today they went to the zoo
And then he asked me in his child-like voice, "What did you do?"
What could I say to the sole survivor of a massacre
No matter how accidental, plain murder, I'm sure
How would I casually mention
My refusal for intervention
And how I thought I could heal alone
I'm not an alcoholic, I'm clean to the bone
I only have a drink every week or so
I never thought my actions would bring me down this low
The police came and took him
And said I needed to come with them
I told them the truth, no use hiding it
Because honestly, I wasn't able to hide it
I got the expected punishment for the deaths I caused
And during the jail time I sat down and just paused
Today I killed three people. Why?
Why did they have to die? Why not I?
I regret taking that swig of beer
And clearing away all the child held dear
So I lay down on my couch today
And think of what happened that day
That night when my world came crashing down
And that whole time I could only hear one sound
The sound of the dead, and the child that cried
The night his entire childhood died
I'm sorry
What I would probably find would rip out my heart and soul
The child in the backseat of the beat-up SUV
Was screaming for his mother, and reached his hand towards me
His sister's body lay on top of him, trying to save his life
I guess it worked, but not without a price
Her face was covered by long black hair, and blood was on her hands
I could still hear her screaming, "Stop!" but I was too drunk to understand
The child's father was in the driver's seat, and I hit them head-on
He was dead in an instant, they said, just like that-gone
The child sitting in the back of the car had a few words to say
Before the ambulance arrived and took the child away
He told me, in his delirium, that today they went to the zoo
And then he asked me in his child-like voice, "What did you do?"
What could I say to the sole survivor of a massacre
No matter how accidental, plain murder, I'm sure
How would I casually mention
My refusal for intervention
And how I thought I could heal alone
I'm not an alcoholic, I'm clean to the bone
I only have a drink every week or so
I never thought my actions would bring me down this low
The police came and took him
And said I needed to come with them
I told them the truth, no use hiding it
Because honestly, I wasn't able to hide it
I got the expected punishment for the deaths I caused
And during the jail time I sat down and just paused
Today I killed three people. Why?
Why did they have to die? Why not I?
I regret taking that swig of beer
And clearing away all the child held dear
So I lay down on my couch today
And think of what happened that day
That night when my world came crashing down
And that whole time I could only hear one sound
The sound of the dead, and the child that cried
The night his entire childhood died
I'm sorry
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Mansion
As I explored the universe inside my own self, I saw the remains of a once grand and beautiful mansion. The roof was caving in, and the windows were boarded up. The yard had skeletons of what used to be familiar, and the property-just the property-was in black and white instead of the vibrant colors I was used to. I strode up the cracked and broken sidewalk and stopped at the foot of the porch stairs.
The paint was peeling, the floorboards had moss and rusty nails covering them, and the railing all but disintegrated at my touch. I tip-toed across the porch and prepared to knock at the door Curiously, the door opened without any provocation. Stepping inside, I looked at the water stains running down the drab yet unmistakably obvious living room.
Pictures on the wall were hung askew, as if a mild earthquake had struck during the owner's absence. The fireplace was overflowing with ashes and soot, and the furniture was protected by dusty, moth-eaten, gray sheets.
Walking away from the haunting image, I walked straight into a darkroom. Hung from string criss-crossing the ceiling's edges were pictures of little children playing with sticks and wrestling in the grass. In another picture was a happy family with beautiful clothes and beautiful faces. As I kept walking through the room, there were pictures showing love, joy, contentment, unity, acceptance, and trust. Turning around the way I came in, however, the pictures were horrifically different.
From the back, the pictures took on a whole new look. No longer were the children laughing, no longer where they playing in the yard. The bruises that were covered by the little girl's clothes were prominent and gruesome. The boy's face was filled with longing and remorse, sadness and humiliation. Terrified, I rushed past the photo, only to run right into a more disturbing image.
A skeleton stood before me, arms in front of the body. The almost-transparent skin on the figure hung off in strips. Tear paths were red with dried blood. The young woman in the picture was looking straight at the camera, face void of emotion. Except her eyes. Oh, her eyes. They screamed pain more loudly than any person using amplifiers and microphones ever could.
Running out of the darkroom, I sprinted up the steps toward what looked like a bedroom. I threw open the door and cried. I knew without a doubt this room belonged to the young woman in the picture. Drug pipes and empty bottles covered the floor, and cigarettes and torn-apart razor blades were littered on the bed. I looked around, and a part of the wall near the floor was missing.
I looked inside the hole, and entered a dimly-lit room. Candles cast flickering images on the circular room's one continuous wall. Taking a candle, I walked closer to the wall and noticed there were messages etched into the plaster and wood. "They won't listen..Why won't they listen?!" "You're tearing this family apart!" "This is just a dream.." "Do I have to scream for you to hear me?!" "I need to escape. I need to die.."
I backed away from the horror-movie-type words and found myself in front of a door. Except it didn't look like a door. It looked like a safe, complete with a lock. I typed the password into the keyboard, and the safe creaked open with a shudder. Turning on the light, I gasped. I knew this room! This was my room! I hid my secrets, hopes, dreams, and loves in this room. There, on the wall, was a picture of Matt and I hugging. Next to that was a poem from James. Then, the lyrics to A Drop in the Ocean. I picked a paper up off the floor. It was the poem from Michael, telling me to stay strong. Under that, the letters from Jess. Along the far wall was a giant mural of everything I regret leaving. There's Cono and the Eby family. And Gramma and the girls. And Sharon and Brittany! And then I see the young woman- alive. No, wait. That's mirror. is that me? Is that what I look like? I started running down the stairs, out into the yard. Safely away from the mansion, I turned to look again..And screamed.
This mansion, this worn-down mansion..It's my heart.
The paint was peeling, the floorboards had moss and rusty nails covering them, and the railing all but disintegrated at my touch. I tip-toed across the porch and prepared to knock at the door Curiously, the door opened without any provocation. Stepping inside, I looked at the water stains running down the drab yet unmistakably obvious living room.
Pictures on the wall were hung askew, as if a mild earthquake had struck during the owner's absence. The fireplace was overflowing with ashes and soot, and the furniture was protected by dusty, moth-eaten, gray sheets.
Walking away from the haunting image, I walked straight into a darkroom. Hung from string criss-crossing the ceiling's edges were pictures of little children playing with sticks and wrestling in the grass. In another picture was a happy family with beautiful clothes and beautiful faces. As I kept walking through the room, there were pictures showing love, joy, contentment, unity, acceptance, and trust. Turning around the way I came in, however, the pictures were horrifically different.
From the back, the pictures took on a whole new look. No longer were the children laughing, no longer where they playing in the yard. The bruises that were covered by the little girl's clothes were prominent and gruesome. The boy's face was filled with longing and remorse, sadness and humiliation. Terrified, I rushed past the photo, only to run right into a more disturbing image.
A skeleton stood before me, arms in front of the body. The almost-transparent skin on the figure hung off in strips. Tear paths were red with dried blood. The young woman in the picture was looking straight at the camera, face void of emotion. Except her eyes. Oh, her eyes. They screamed pain more loudly than any person using amplifiers and microphones ever could.
Running out of the darkroom, I sprinted up the steps toward what looked like a bedroom. I threw open the door and cried. I knew without a doubt this room belonged to the young woman in the picture. Drug pipes and empty bottles covered the floor, and cigarettes and torn-apart razor blades were littered on the bed. I looked around, and a part of the wall near the floor was missing.
I looked inside the hole, and entered a dimly-lit room. Candles cast flickering images on the circular room's one continuous wall. Taking a candle, I walked closer to the wall and noticed there were messages etched into the plaster and wood. "They won't listen..Why won't they listen?!" "You're tearing this family apart!" "This is just a dream.." "Do I have to scream for you to hear me?!" "I need to escape. I need to die.."
I backed away from the horror-movie-type words and found myself in front of a door. Except it didn't look like a door. It looked like a safe, complete with a lock. I typed the password into the keyboard, and the safe creaked open with a shudder. Turning on the light, I gasped. I knew this room! This was my room! I hid my secrets, hopes, dreams, and loves in this room. There, on the wall, was a picture of Matt and I hugging. Next to that was a poem from James. Then, the lyrics to A Drop in the Ocean. I picked a paper up off the floor. It was the poem from Michael, telling me to stay strong. Under that, the letters from Jess. Along the far wall was a giant mural of everything I regret leaving. There's Cono and the Eby family. And Gramma and the girls. And Sharon and Brittany! And then I see the young woman- alive. No, wait. That's mirror. is that me? Is that what I look like? I started running down the stairs, out into the yard. Safely away from the mansion, I turned to look again..And screamed.
This mansion, this worn-down mansion..It's my heart.
Song for the Weary
I know you're crying out to me, I see it in your eyes
But I'll forever turn my head, though I can read your mind
You feel worthless, as if you're a grain of sand
And no matter how much you scream and yell, they just don't understand
You close your drawbridge, shutting out the world
But trust me, my love, you aren't stopping the hurt
It's surrounding your thoughts, like a corpse in a shroud
And like the deceased, you cannot speak aloud
You can't share your heart, for fear of the shame
You already know you're the one to blame
So you let the blood fall to the tiled bathroom floor
And hope that, in your dreams, you can make it to shore
Because, my darling, you're drowning, far out at sea
Your family and friends aren't always what you want them to be
The girls you go to school with will someday grow gray
The boys that may have hurt you aren't the same as they were yesterday
Your blade has turned black, like your hated for them
But, my dear, you'll need them in the end
They're the anchor holding you to the ground
For you'd be in space had they not been around
Your mind is still drifting through the blue sky
And your tears are still invisible no matter how you cry
You cannot change your past-just hope for a new day
And listen intently to what I'm about to say:
Let your dreams come softly at night
But when they're of love, don't put up a fight
Remember the stories you have been shown
For someday, my love, the life you save may be your own
But I'll forever turn my head, though I can read your mind
You feel worthless, as if you're a grain of sand
And no matter how much you scream and yell, they just don't understand
You close your drawbridge, shutting out the world
But trust me, my love, you aren't stopping the hurt
It's surrounding your thoughts, like a corpse in a shroud
And like the deceased, you cannot speak aloud
You can't share your heart, for fear of the shame
You already know you're the one to blame
So you let the blood fall to the tiled bathroom floor
And hope that, in your dreams, you can make it to shore
Because, my darling, you're drowning, far out at sea
Your family and friends aren't always what you want them to be
The girls you go to school with will someday grow gray
The boys that may have hurt you aren't the same as they were yesterday
Your blade has turned black, like your hated for them
But, my dear, you'll need them in the end
They're the anchor holding you to the ground
For you'd be in space had they not been around
Your mind is still drifting through the blue sky
And your tears are still invisible no matter how you cry
You cannot change your past-just hope for a new day
And listen intently to what I'm about to say:
Let your dreams come softly at night
But when they're of love, don't put up a fight
Remember the stories you have been shown
For someday, my love, the life you save may be your own
Friday, May 20, 2011
Letter To A Soldier
I got a letter from a soldier today
Someone you’ve never met
But he’s a friend, or so I say
Please don’t be upset
I asked him to write to me
When he passed to Vietnam
All I wanted was brutal honesty
Don’t you understand?
Your letters home all say hello
And Mother doesn’t suspect at all
But I’m not a child, Brother, I know
The actual battle where dozens fall
He tells me about feeling like prey
And living in fear every day
Brother, I miss you, and your death I fear
I don’t want to see you die
And though it means you’d always be near
I refuse to let your body rot in the place where dead soldiers lie
I know about the insects that bite you in your sleep
The eyes watching in the night
I hear the neighborhood mothers weep
When the reality of the war comes into the light
Medicine cannot save the lives
Of the many fallen men
And peace is a dream I’ve come to despise
Because it turns to death in the end
I can’t continue to live like this
Dreaming of the bullets that somehow always miss
In my nightmares they hit their bulls-eye
Blood pouring out in crimson red
I see your eyes widen in shock and I cry
Because I know you’ll soon be dead
The enemy I see inside my dreams
Are black images in my mind
And when I see the blood, I know what it means
I can feel your body’s pain in mine
I know your final thoughts are of anger and rage
Upset that you can’t make this right
And your ferocity cannot be kept in a cage
Not with all of your might
This dream haunts me in my head
Like a nightmare that comes when I lay in bed
We got a letter from you today
Mother was almost in tears
She was so happy to open it and say
That you’ll be home next year
The letter drifted to the floor
And Mother fell to her knees
I grabbed it and ran to the door
Ready to burn it because I don’t want to see
I know what it says; you were brave
And if we need money, just call
But if money were the thing that could save
You, my brother, wouldn’t fall
I go to school shrouded in black
Because happiness won’t bring you back..
Someone you’ve never met
But he’s a friend, or so I say
Please don’t be upset
I asked him to write to me
When he passed to Vietnam
All I wanted was brutal honesty
Don’t you understand?
Your letters home all say hello
And Mother doesn’t suspect at all
But I’m not a child, Brother, I know
The actual battle where dozens fall
He tells me about feeling like prey
And living in fear every day
Brother, I miss you, and your death I fear
I don’t want to see you die
And though it means you’d always be near
I refuse to let your body rot in the place where dead soldiers lie
I know about the insects that bite you in your sleep
The eyes watching in the night
I hear the neighborhood mothers weep
When the reality of the war comes into the light
Medicine cannot save the lives
Of the many fallen men
And peace is a dream I’ve come to despise
Because it turns to death in the end
I can’t continue to live like this
Dreaming of the bullets that somehow always miss
In my nightmares they hit their bulls-eye
Blood pouring out in crimson red
I see your eyes widen in shock and I cry
Because I know you’ll soon be dead
The enemy I see inside my dreams
Are black images in my mind
And when I see the blood, I know what it means
I can feel your body’s pain in mine
I know your final thoughts are of anger and rage
Upset that you can’t make this right
And your ferocity cannot be kept in a cage
Not with all of your might
This dream haunts me in my head
Like a nightmare that comes when I lay in bed
We got a letter from you today
Mother was almost in tears
She was so happy to open it and say
That you’ll be home next year
The letter drifted to the floor
And Mother fell to her knees
I grabbed it and ran to the door
Ready to burn it because I don’t want to see
I know what it says; you were brave
And if we need money, just call
But if money were the thing that could save
You, my brother, wouldn’t fall
I go to school shrouded in black
Because happiness won’t bring you back..
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