Objection, Your Honor!

I'm writing, at 12:09 in the morning, so I can sleep. I'm writing to sort out my thoughts.
Truth #1: I push you away because I don't like getting hurt. And every time we get close, I get hurt.
2: I'm pretty sure I enjoy being in denial about wanting to marry James. Because we all know it's bound to happen.
3: You have NO right to tell me to face reality. I've seen more than you ever will.
4: Don't EVER tell me I'm a whore because I'm confused about two guys. I've had sex with one man. You? I lost track.
5: When you say you're not going to pick at my weaknesses, stick to that. Because that's why I won't let myself get as close to you as I am to him.
6: Don't ever try to correct my attitude when you encouraged it yesterday.
7: I cheated once. And it was a make-out. For real. No clothes were removed, no stray hands. Get the eff over it already.
8: I'm not about to die of starvation, okay? I eat once a day, and it's enough to keep me alive. Let me deal with it myself.
9: Don't say you want to hear my problems, and then say I'm an attention whore.
10: Don't ever, ever, ever tell me you're better than me.
11: Stop telling me what beauty really is. This is beauty. Right here. This is my beauty. You wanna be fat? Go ahead. To each his own.
12: Fuck all ya'll that decide to take the role of parents in my life. Facebook is my playground. Get your own. Don't take away my monkeybars.
13: You have no responsibility to me. Don't act like I'm gonna do what you want.
14: You have no say in what I do. Go ahead and complain. I don't give a shit. This is my life, and I'm going to live it how I want to live it.
15: To that specific someone, stop telling my parents everything I write. If they cared, they'd ask. If they don't, don't try to make them.
16: I'm no longer a doormat. You fuck up, you're gone. Out. And yeah, actually, saying I'm a whore is gonna get you a one-way ticket to 'get your ass outta here'.
17: I'm going to cuss, whether you like it or not. I can say whatever I want to say, and telling Jim and Sue isn't going to stop me. And neither will humiliating me.
18: You'll have better luck screwing Michael Jackson than making me willingly open a Bible. So stop trying.
19: The more you try to predict my future, the more I'm going to try to prove you wrong. Yeah, Jim. when you said I'd grow up to be nothing because I'm just trouble? You're wrong.
20: Either support me or get bent. Simple as that. If you're my friend, act like it. If you're my enemy, go eat a box of chocolate. I couldn't care less about you.

I Love You

Sometimes I wish that I could show
Everything you seem to never know
That no matter what, please don't leave
Because I hate to watch you go

Sometimes I wish that you could see
That without you here, I'm not me
My essence is gone, wherever you are
That's where I'm supposed to be

I was told to stay in your grasp
Where you'll protect me, have my back
So you have to stay and make sure I'm okay
And keep me safe from any attack

I know you're not the perfect One
And neither am I, but just for fun
Pretend we're together once again
Let me live in my dreamland, hun

You say you never know where my loyalties lie
But that's because you can't know before I do
And I hope you never tell me to go
Because you have yet to understand I love you

Duplicitous Asshole, You

ill admit i miss you but only in my head
cuz youre the one that said to you im dead
died long time ago, already laid to rest
be in heaven or be in hell,
i dont care thats what you tell me
we were nothing, just a lie
cuz youre the angel im the bad guy
well how the hell does that work out
when youre the one going on about
how im the perfect woman, live in your dreams
cuz youre crazy if you think im what i seem
i thought you knew not to trust your instincts
it only works for animals cuz they dont give a shit
who they fuck no thought about it
but i think you know that i feel too
and all i feel right now is a waste of time-you
call me a liar, say it to my face
then stab my insecurities to save face
cuz youve got nothing on me and you know
youre wrong to point your finger at me
when its bent all backwards, about 180 degrees
pointing at you
and your other four too
including your thumb
just for fun
start to run again
away from the only one
to treat you like you were the only one
that mattered, you walk and say youre done
well i wasnt done and i think youre really dumb
to throw away the woman that would have killed for you
and gladly taken the hit for you
duplicitous asshole, you

Suicidal Tendencies

Hearing your heart beat through

The walls surrounding your prison

I go delirious, I scream to let you out

Yelling at the preacher that you're okay

He can stop saying you're dead any day now

I can hear you whisper is anyone there?

It's so dark in here, can I come out there with you?

I'm sitting in the back of the church, 

And I only knew your name

And that you were sick, like me

But you were beautiful, like a goddess

Though I'm sitting so far away I can still hear you

I run to the front of the sanctuary

And pry at the casket

I know she's alive, hear me out

She's talking to me, listen

Looks of sympathy are all I can see

Besides the photo of you on a stand

And a brown wooden jail cell

That you're being forced to stay in

The bearers walk toward me slowly

They want to take me away from you

But I'm here to protect you

And I'm not leaving you

You would do the same for me

I snarl at the men like a wild dog

But it gets the message across to them

I break open the jail door and let you be free

But all I see is the shell of me

Still Love You

You know what would have made my day?
A message saying are you okay?
How have you been since I walked out?
I know I left, but there's something I have to tell you about

I miss you, baby, I know I was wrong
And I'm so sorry, so sorry, I waited this long
To realize you're the one I want
I promise I'll do better, because I want to
And by the way
Happy birthday
I knew it was today
Because I remembered
My mind's not totally dismembered
I remember every gentle kiss
And the way you held my hand, I miss it
I miss you the most, though
And I want you to know I know
I messed up
And I'm sorry, I'll shut up
But remember this, too?
I still love you.