The Rejected

You say God isn't distant
He's always here in front of me
But why can I not feel him or see?
I don't like being this intimate
I said I believed because I do
But I liked it better when you were high
In the heavens and didn't see me pass by
I'm not sure I like this newly discovered you
See, my life is full of traitors
Secrets mean gossip and emotions are dead
I keep my real feelings inside my head
And I don't let them out for fear of hatred
I don't like that you can find me
When I don't want to be found
When I don't want to be around
When I just want you to let me be
I can't accept something
That's always within reach
Love given freely?
You've gotta be kidding me
That's too much to handle
For someone who's sworn off unconditional love
For something read of in a book, from above
But not real, I don't understand
I won't let you in
Can't let you win
I will shut you out of my head
Until the moment my heart is dead
I can't let myself be open
To the idea of a loving
Person who knows everything
And still wants to be with me
I'm sorry, God, whoever you are
I can't be around you if you don't love me only from afar