In The Eye Of The Beholder

What is a dream if only the brain

Reliving the beauty of the previous day?
And nightmares are twisted words that were said
Or images burned into the back of your head
But the mind plays tricks, beauty is around
It surrounds you
It embraces the ugly, swallows it up
So all that's left is more beauty to love
Beauty is the beggar on the side of the street
Imploring you to help, just give one penny
His pain, though troubling, is one in the same
As the resentment you feel on a judgement day
Because no one will admit to having an opinion
That offends another, they want to play innocent
Purity gets you into Heaven, so they have to be clean
They have to remain spotless to see the gold city
And so you watch as they blame all their sins on you
As you stand there and take it, like they want you to do
And you'll end up in Hell, but at least they are content
Because that's all you ever wanted, you'll take the hit
You'll let them walk on you because you're too frightened to see
You'll never get anywhere with friends like these
But it's been so long, and you can't turn away
Even on such a harsh judgement day
And beauty is in the bones of the dying
Beauty is found in the screams of the crying
The girls who are starving, trying to resemble the dead
Are the ones who are strong, no matter what's said
They respond to society, no matter the subtlety
And they purge and they resist and they just want beauty
Beauty's in the girls who defend their curves
And say it's healthier than dying at the eighty-first
Dial on the weight, they hate the pressure to be thin
But they're beautiful, both on the outside and in
And beauty's in the scars
On me and my friends' arms
Because they'll never leave our sight
Always reminding us of fights
We came out on top of, though you'd call it losing
But we can't all be picking and choosing
But we came out breathing, which for us, was hard
Because we came out alive, through the dark
Through a dark we thought would never end
But it did, with a cost, and we're still on the mend
But that's okay, because we're beauty, defined
Just as porcelain doll with a smudge inside
And beauty's between the hatred of men
Because of the clever words that are said
Though hurtful, they create a harmonious song
And it'll sing for a while, in the midst of the birds' songs
Singing in the air, for they're beauty too
Nature is beauty at its fullest, but so are you
Your anger is beauty, as well a your pain
And so are the disastrous choices you've made
But so is the love I feel in your arms
As we sleep, intertwined, chasing stars
In my mind, infested with hearts
I don't even care if we're miles apart
Because beauty's you, beauty's true, beauty's everything I see
And beauty's right here, right now, looking back at me

Breaking the Law

I'm not trying to hate on you,
Never meant to disrespect you
Never wanted to hurt you, dude
But when did love mean the same as hate?
And when did hate mean you appreciate me?
Because I always imagined appreciation as love
And now it's an endless circle, turning into the wind
Winding down into oblivion
And I want it all to end, but how do you end something
No one knows has started?
And you, of all people out there in the universe
Should know every lyric to every verse
That I write is the real me
The real Brie
And Brie's just a name, it's abbreviated
A nickname, if you will, it's fun to say
I'm not dissing who I am, or who you think you are
I'm defending my right to embrace my scars
Because scars made me realize the truth
No matter who you fight, the real battle is you
Accepting the pain is better than wallowing
Shutting up and swallowing everything
Or following a bunch of blind fools
Who don't know where they're walking
Do you know where your feet step?
Do you understand where your shoes tread?
This is dangerous water, where you think it's land
And you're getting involved in something you can't understand
Because you've never walked in my size eight shoes
And you can't pretend you could ever know who
I am, what I want, or even my history
Because you can't see through my eyes, you know nothing
And you were never there during the blindness
You didn't see me through my sickness
Where were you in my happiness?
You know me from history, and that's just that
History is everything in the forgotten past
It makes you who you are, no matter how you suppress
And I'm proud of who I am, you can't be my oppressor
Your words can't bring me down today
Or yesterday, tomorrow, nothing you say
You think the truth hurts, you got that right
Go look in the mirror and relive that fight
Tell me if you still feel righteous
After pulling the trigger on an immediate crisis
Tell me, do you still want to live your life
Knowing you could have helped me die?
I'm not looking for pity, or I'd attack you
I'd make you see the real problem--you
I'm merely pointing out your faults
In starting a war against my own flaws
I'm not any more perfect than you,
That's true
But I embrace my imperfections, I make them brand new
I turn them into beauty, unlike you
Next time you want to play a childish game
Think about who's the child, who's receiving blame?
I've got my shit straight, now why's yours in a curve?
Figure it out, then send me a message, in appropriate words.

Letter from Ana

Come to me, love, come back for me
Remember who makes you what you wanna be
Now he's gone, I watched him leave
Now that he left, it's just you..and me
So come back and let me
Show you what you're missing
Because I know you remember everything

Remember how we used to count our calories
And exercise at night in secrecy
How we'd always talk about jealousy
Because they'll be jealous eventually
You'll be beautiful, they'll still be ugly
Come back, love, come back to me

And now you've gained fat
We'll get rid of that
You've let yourself go again,
But we'll fix that again
Just take a few pills, take a few drags
And soon you'll be full of the cigarette fags

You've gotten bigger, dear
How long have you been bingeing, dear?
I fear you've lost everything we were
What happened to that thin girl?
The one who worked mercilessly
To become the fairest, incessantly
And it's still impossible
To want what I can possibly provide
Just come back, love come back to me

Who told you he'd grow weary of you?
Who was right? Me! That's who!
Didn't I tell you I was your only love?
Your only support, shoulder to cry on
Don't you dare turn your back on me
On everything we could ever be
I made, changed you, created you
Everything you'll ever be, you
Owe it all to me

And who will still be disgusting after the day's done
Who will be sitting there, crying, because I've again won
You can't stand being wrong, you sicken me
But I'm not gonna leave,
Because you need me

You need to be beautiful, love, don't you see?
You need to feel lovely,
Seem worthy
So I'll help you again, if you promise me now
You'll never give me up, Ana's here now
I'll stay with you forever,
We'll be together, for eternity.
Signed, always your biggest fan
Ana

Racing

Go ahead and forget me
Forget everything we've been through
Because I'm forgetting you
I'm starting to forget why I love you
Forgetting the you I'm crazy about,
But I'm still so crazy about you
Am I crazy for continuing to want you?
To want to hold you once again?
If that makes me crazy, I'll be insane
Because I want to scream your name
I want to go to the highest hill in this state
And state your name, loud and clear
So everyone around here
Can hear me
I want them to hear my agony
I want them to feel my anguish, you
Extinguished my flame, it burned
It burned so brightly it burned
My eyes, so all I could see by
Was my flame, burning behind my blindness
I'd grown used to it, the burning
It had replaced the burns on my legs
The cuts on my arms
The scars, all the marks
And it still burns, but it burns black
How am I to see through the black with
The black flame, fueled by the blade in my back
But I'm back for more pain
I'm waiting for you again
And you can't just end the game,
Because this game is keeping me sane
This cat and mouse trick you enjoy so much
Is exactly what's keeping me here,
Here, where I'm no longer wanted
Here, where I no longer want to be
It's like Evanescence mixed with Stone Sour
I'm alone in my mind
But your ghost still hasn't left
And I'm growing desperate
I'm desperate for some redemption,
Some attention
Someone hold my hand, I'm losing my direction
And I just want to feel you,
Feeling your memory build up inside me
But I want to tear you down
Like you tore me down
Tore me apart with your bare hands
Your bear hands are strong, stronger than me
Stronger than I could ever be
And I want to grab a stick again
And beat you in the face again
But sticks and stones can only break bones
And I want you to hurt
I want you to feel this hurt
It hurts, being this numb
Like I've fallen asleep, been here for so long
And I want to start walking, but I can't feel my feet
Wake up! I cry, but it just repeats
Through the hills, resounding through the night
And I just want to fall back down, and never resume this flight
Because you've won this fight
And I'm tired of fighting
I just want to rest,
God rest my soul
Like a toy soldier, I've been through too much
I've been chewed on, thrown on the floor
Where it's cold, but it's better than the heat
I feel when you're here, you make my heart race
And I'm racing to get away
Racing to beat time, beat you back
I just want you back..

Just Let Me Go!

Somehow, I doubt you can even see me
It's like I'm an image, you just look past me
And I mean, it's not like you seem to care
It's as if I blend in with the surrounding air,
It hurts seeing you smile
When you haven't been around for a while
Because I hate that you're always happy
And I'm still here waiting for happiness
But I'm glad that you're in love
Because love's what makes the world go 'round
But I'm sad I was never enough
To make you wanna stay around
Did I really bore you that quickly?
This whole thing is just sickening
Who does that to someone who trusts you so much?
When did I need to write boundaries in the dust?
We became One, melded together, til you broke us apart
And it kills me to think you got to keep my heart
Why did you get the unbroken side?
I'm still lying here, shattered, confined
To my lonesome, my scattered, torn thoughts
Because they broke with me, that day you shot
Me down, ripped me off like a band-aid
But the cut never healed, it just craved
I crave you always, even when I'm not alone
Remembering your messages on my phone
You said you'd stay, here, forever
Always, you said, we'll stay together
We're best friends, you said, I wouldn't leave
Well you did, and you took my soul away from me
And I want it back, dammit
I want it all back, can't you understand it?
If I can't have you, you don't deserve me
Just let me leave with a shred of humanity
Return my life to me, give me my integrity
Let me live with decency
Though you stole my innocence from me
Let me return to normalcy
At least let me pretend to be
Okay with what I did, while you live guilt-free
Continuing on to be continuously happy
While I'm chained here, set me loose, please
Because I've held your hand when you were afraid
And I wiped away every tear you ever made
I fought away demons, kept them at bay
And I've done so much for you, but still you stay?
Still your ghost remains?
Leave me be
Let me be in my own company
Solitude would be heaven compared to this hell
Because I'd rather be alone with myself
Than here with your memory
It's killing me, baby..