Let Me Read You

You're like a book I can read over and over
Chapter after chapter, page after page
Month after month, day after day
I can listen to your voice for hours
I can study every outline of your face
Memorizing the lines, make no mistake
You're more beautiful than Hopkins
I can run my hands through your hair
Like an editor, taking care
To edit, to perfect, but you're already perfect
And I hate that I can't compare to you

I can read you every day til I die
And I'll still learn something new from you
Just let me read you every second, don't lie
You know you want to read me, too

You're like a stanza in my poems
Short, simple, yet full of meaning
You help me write, you give me meaning
I can kiss the outline of your soul
I can love you til you're no longer cold
And the lock on you falls off
Because I just want to read you every day
For the rest of my life

Let me open the cover to you,
Let me read you all the way through
And when I'm done, I'll have one more reason to read you

Baby's First Poem

So I'm pregnant, in case you haven't heard
In nine months I'll be a mother, and this will be my first
My first living baby, but he isn't alone
He's got three siblings up in Heaven
Or she, I don't really know
But Hayden's up there watching us,
And Gypsy's up there smiling
And Kyra's probably laughing
Baby, you are so very loved
Mommy will protect you from every one of us
Every single person who could ever cause you harm
Will have to go through Mommy, and they won't get too far
Because Mommies are forces to be reckoned with
And people don't usually see,
I might not be able to give you the world, but you're the world to me
And though I might be crippled, I can still be a fierce lady
And Mommy's gonna protect you from every enemy
This whole parenting thing will be hard,
No one said it wouldn't be
But I think I can do this
As long as you love me

Containment

So we crossed the line again
We fell into the pit of hell and
I can't take this anymore and
I want to walk out the back door
And just be done, to call it quits
But you never let me go
But what about me?

I'm exhausted from all the tears today
My eyes burn, my body hurts
My brain won't quit whispering
And I can't close my ears as much as I want to
Because the fatality is inside

My arm burns every time I touch it
My back hurts every time I sit
I can see your arm where the blood has gathered and
I just want to erase it

I feel like I'm a monster now
As if that cage was needed
Like The Hulk in The Avengers,
My cell is where I sleep and now
I hate it
I'm sleeping on the couch tonight
I'll be lucky to sleep at all actually
My gut is disgusted at me for staying
And I can't seem to make it stop squirming
I can't stop my eyes from burning
I can't keep my body from hurting
And I can't keep myself contained

Don't Mind Me

Don't mind me,
I'm just running
Escaping into a world unknown
To you, to others, to the world
This is my haven
My books are my paradise
My characters my soldiers
The words are my riddles yet to be solved
And solve them, I will
Don't mind me
I'm just running

Don't mind me,
I'm not even here
Sitting so quietly on the computer
Doing everything I can to be hidden
I've got my problems, watch me fix them
Watch me wade into troubled waters
And come out as the victor

Pretend I'm not here,
I'm just writing
I'm just rhyming all my words together
Binding them as the screen scrolls
Tying them together with desperation
I'm trying to find the magic I once knew
I'm crying as I realize I'm much too new
I'm new to myself, who's in the mirror?
Who is that woman who just sits there and stares?
Why is she swollen with a baby inside?
This isn't how I imagined my life

Don't mind me, I'm just running
Just escaping into old pictures,
Acting as if it's funny
How changed everything is, how I'd kill to rewind
But this is the path I chose,
And I must walk down it willingly
Don't mind me though,
I'm just running.

Sanity

I've forgotten how to write
I've forgotten what it's like to speak my open mind
I don't remember why I started, only why I stopped
And yeah, I'm ashamed of myself
To shut myself up so tightly
It's humiliating

I remember a time last year
When I didn't care; you'd hear
About me having fun, with no fear
Cuz I thought time would stop, freeze right here

I remember when I'd cry myself to sleep in mourning
Just remembering the feeling of a baby unborn
Then feeling it ripped away by myself
My traitorous body, I hated myself
Blamed myself

I remember all the fighting, we were so bloodthirsty
We'd scream hellish murder and then we'd cheat
I'd leave and pray it'd be over soon
But we'd cuddle every night and kiss our own wounds

And during all this, I forgot how to write
I forgot how to be open-minded
With fingers and a brain, I can paint your nightmares
So why did I give up my sanity?