Random Ramblings: Warm-Up

This is literally a warm-up, as it's been a long time since I've been able to sit down and write. This doesn't pertain to life at all, it just puts me in the mood. Calm yourselves, I'm not crazy.

Sitting down crying,

Wondering if I can even do this

Am I even strong enough to endure this?

Am I capable of coping with not one, but more?
More sins of yours seeping up through my floor?

I don't even remember what purity looks like

Much less what it feels like

I tried escaping, once long ago

I took half a bottle, and bled to add to it

I remember the look on my companion's face

When he saw my arm as we laid in bed

I remember the way my mother looked at me

It was a pathetic pity, only adding to my hopelessness

I remember the way I looked at myself in the mirror

Disgusted, outraged

I still think of simpler days

When I had a moment of silence

And wrote a poem a second

I had so much potential

And I wasted it on you

On your broken promises

On all your lies

Your eyes told me the truth, if I'd only looked

I was too in love, too willing to die

For a man who would kill me to live

The Cliff

I see you standing on the cliff
Wind blowing around your face
You're so beautiful, so perfect
You raise your hands up to the sky
Take a couple spins, and start to dive
Into the wave crashing against the rocks below
You've fallen so low
You were the angel in my heaven
The beautiful woman I had to look up to see
And now look, you're dying
You have to look up to me
Following you to your death, as any lover would
Because I want you forever,
And I'll follow you wherever
Just to be with you in some era of time
Maybe in another life
Maybe in Hell, maybe in Heaven
But eventually, I will make you mine
I can speak my mind, tell you the truth
Because anyone can see that I love you
As I follow you downward to the cold winter water
I scream at you the words that might make you falter
In your quest, if only I'd done it sooner
I may have saved our future, secured it with a ribbon
If I could only show you that you were never alone
Every tear on your face, I felt too
All the emotions you'd taste, my mouth watered for
I never lost sight of you, but the second I turn
You fall so low, so far down to the water
To our deaths

Let Go

I don't know what you do to me
But you have some sort of hold on me
I can't untangle myself if I wanted to
Not that I do
I'm attached to this chain
But I hold it anyway
Making sure it doesn't let me go
Because, for some reason, I can't let go
Of you, your hair, eyes, your pitiful demise
Every time you make me cry
It's been too long, I've changed so much
Yet I still see you and need to clutch my chest
So I don't reveal my truth
That hey, there's a reason I avoid you
In my mind, I still need you
I don't want to, but I do
And in my head, I still hate you
For everything you did, and everything I said
Every time you fooled me, thinking you were the best
I would get, and all I wanted anyway
But that's not true, now, is it?

Beneath the Basement

I'm not really sure

If I can be honest anymore

I mean, I'm always covering up

Lying, stealing, deceiving, blaming

Trying to stay under the radar

Trying to maintain an image

Trying to bury the girl I was

But I miss her

I miss having no care

I miss hearing my own laugh

Feeling my own emotions

Something other than hurt

I miss wandering aimlessly

Not really sure what's up or down

Not even caring when everyone frowned

When I could just let myself drown in the keys

The music, the keyboard, the rooms locked away

The secrets are locked in those boarded-up rooms now

Covered by hope that they stay hidden

My journals are kept in a closet

Along with my pictures

Because, I mean, why look at the past

When I'm so changed, I don't know remember it anyway?

I have diapers to change, a child that's not mine to raise

An unsure pregnancy, everything I thought I wanted

But not freedom, none of that

You don't get freedom in this house

But I'm still burying myself

Beneath the cemented basement

Let Me Read You

You're like a book I can read over and over
Chapter after chapter, page after page
Month after month, day after day
I can listen to your voice for hours
I can study every outline of your face
Memorizing the lines, make no mistake
You're more beautiful than Hopkins
I can run my hands through your hair
Like an editor, taking care
To edit, to perfect, but you're already perfect
And I hate that I can't compare to you

I can read you every day til I die
And I'll still learn something new from you
Just let me read you every second, don't lie
You know you want to read me, too

You're like a stanza in my poems
Short, simple, yet full of meaning
You help me write, you give me meaning
I can kiss the outline of your soul
I can love you til you're no longer cold
And the lock on you falls off
Because I just want to read you every day
For the rest of my life

Let me open the cover to you,
Let me read you all the way through
And when I'm done, I'll have one more reason to read you