ABC's Part 3

Pleasing Ana is just about--
Pleading with you--is as hard as
Playing an instrument I've never seen
Plucking the strings like a trampoline
Quietly jumping to remain unseen
Quickly running to the scene of the crime
Quirky little lady lays in the dark
Quilted in blood and glass shards
Running away, I run into you
Resting your grasp upon my throat
Realizing I'm your victim, you realize too late
Run, child, I'll meet you in dreams
Sleeping off your nightmares from the night before
Still you don't know I'm the one you see
Seeing is believing, but not at night
Spill your water glass because of the fright
Travel through time
To see my mistakes
Til I see your face again
Timed perfectly in sync with the death of me
Untimely death, if you ask me
Universe collided with yours, creating
Uncalled-for anger and sweat and tears
Unwanted frustrations poured out through
Violence was you and me
Violet red was the love's blood
Violins crashed through the bassists song
Vying for your attention
Which you gave freely
While expecting full commitment
Why the long face?
When you wanted this the whole time
Xerxes the king was kinder than you
Xenophilic fool, thinking you knew love
Xenophobic idiot, you ruined my trust
Xyloid heart turned petrified stone
You made me die seven hells
Yesterday turned tomorrow from your
Yellow-jaundiced heart
You let me hang on while you let go
Zealously you remained jealous
Zoetic turned to deathly
Zero tolerance for me, you hypocrite
Zig and zag and drag me down til there's nothing left

ABC's Part 2

I run
Inside the stomach
I know there's nothing left
I love that I feel pain
Jumping, I
Just know I'm burning calories
Jammed under my fat,
Justifying me to be insane
Kill this worm inside me
Kind of like a black hole
Kind of like it never eats anything, but
Keeps it in itself for the same
Lame excuses
Large enough portions?
Legs will be fat, eww
Let Ana take care of you
Must be the cookies
Maybe it was the heat
Much too fattening,
My eyes are seeing you
Not that you're alive
No, you left me
Nodding my head absently
Never knowing you'd disappear
Over my dead body will you come back
Or I'll drag you back to Heaven
Only you could deserve paradise
Offering my soul down in return for peace

Beauty is Acheivable--found in drafts!

im living in the sunlight

cuz my body makes no shade

and i always have to celebrate

every time another record breaks

except this doesnt feel right

letting myself quit

so im back on my scale again

measuring all this shit again

making sure my zeros dont fit

they have to be loose to be skinny

and they cant be at all tight

because tight equals cellulite

and we know where that leads

another hundred planks while laying on the floor
and when im done with that ill do even more
to rid my body of the calories i ate
and cleansing my fragile mind of all the hate
i get because i want to be beautiful
and love is plentiful
and beauty is acheivable
just not by me.

My Own Little World

Maybe I'm crazy to ever believe

That some way in life you could ever want me

My heart says you once did, you had
Before I gained wait, prior to fat
When I step on the scale, my world tips down
Just like my smile turns into a frown
Once I see the numbers
Much over one hundred
Adding the twenty-five candles
Shirts showing love handles
Every fire extinguished
Means another pound is finished
Another diet failing me
I'm sitting here researching
More so I can be less
I want invisibility, another guess
At the shadow along your own
This is my realm, the only one I've known
And it knows me, it sees me
It feels me, it feeds me
This is the place I love myself
And in spite of everyone else
This is the world where I can be free
Because this is the world where you can love me.

My ABC's Part 1

Anger
Aggression
Addiction
All the things I bottled up inside
Beauty
Betrayal
Bleak outlook
Because these are what I denied
Careful
Coy
Catch my bait
So I can rebuke you, watch you cry
Dare you to
Die
Dark depression
Don't let me go, I won't live through the night
Empty
Engaged in
Egotistic ways
Everything good runs away from the sky because
God
Grace, and
Goodness
Gone through the misty lie
Hope we'll last
Helped me hold the blade
Handed me the alcohol
Have to take another sip..