Sanity

I've forgotten how to write
I've forgotten what it's like to speak my open mind
I don't remember why I started, only why I stopped
And yeah, I'm ashamed of myself
To shut myself up so tightly
It's humiliating

I remember a time last year
When I didn't care; you'd hear
About me having fun, with no fear
Cuz I thought time would stop, freeze right here

I remember when I'd cry myself to sleep in mourning
Just remembering the feeling of a baby unborn
Then feeling it ripped away by myself
My traitorous body, I hated myself
Blamed myself

I remember all the fighting, we were so bloodthirsty
We'd scream hellish murder and then we'd cheat
I'd leave and pray it'd be over soon
But we'd cuddle every night and kiss our own wounds

And during all this, I forgot how to write
I forgot how to be open-minded
With fingers and a brain, I can paint your nightmares
So why did I give up my sanity?

Random Nights!

This is what happens when you leave me with a webcam(: welcome to the Saturday nights with Brian and Brie! More to come...eventually!

Only You Can Save Me

I had a few too many drinks tonight
Because now you're all that's on my mind
It's been so hard with you not by side
But I've been so strong, though not alive

I'm driving now, to the place where we
Made our vows, you said to me
I'll never leave, I'll never leave
I'm crying now, it's hard to breathe
I'm fighting how I feel empty
Come to me now, fill me with peace
You're what's missing from this picture of you and me

I took a shot or two, to forget you
Your face follows me through every room
The place where you used to lie
Is empty, desolate, and I
Can see the twilight peeking in
Gleaming off my moon-kissed skin
I need the dark to hide the tears
I needed you to fight my fears

I'm driving now to the place where we
Made our vows, you said to me
I'll never leave, I'll never leave
I'm crying now, it's hard to breathe
I'm fight how I feel empty
Come to me now, fill me with peace
You're what's missing from this picture of you and me

I've had a few too many drinks tonight...
I'm standing here in moonlight...
Wondering if I can sleep
Underwater, like in my dreams...
And only you can save me

Lasting

Wanna know a secret?
If you keep it,
I'll show you some truth
Among the midst of the lies that surround you
They cover the windows like the winter induced fog
And they fill up my lungs with a gut wrenching cough
But I'm in the mood for some writing,
And nothing can stop these fingers from typing
It's about time
I spoke my mind

Let's start with my body,
How I always feel ugly
And you only promote that with the words you say
The way you speak of other girls to my face
How you shove your good looks and flaunt them around
Knowing I'll be overlooked in the black surround
I'm merely a shadow, a silhouette, if you will
I'm faceless, nameless, another splotch of mud on the sill
While you're the beauty queen, the king of the hill
As I wait here on foot, serving your every need
You stand there above me, just feeding on me

Moving on, next topic is my mindset
Versus yours, we got communication problems
When I'm doing what I can to make you happy
And you take it as me being selfish and lazy?
Like, I get that everything's hazy
And things are sketchy, getting worse by the second
As I sit here waiting to move up from second place
In your heart, it kills me, being last
Knowing she'll always be first, and I have to accept that
I hate being alone, too much time to think
And you and her are all I think about, honestly

Finally, let's cut to the chase
I feel like I'll never have an equal chance
Because you already determined how I'm at fault
I ruined everything, as if I don't already blame myself
Like I don't already feel like total shit
When I know everyone blames me for all of this
I've lost everything, I've got nothing left
I've sacrificed everything for the sake of a relationship
I'm not even sure you want to last..

Waiting

I'm not sure what you're gonna say
Or if you'll even give me the time of day
But when I look back at your history
And how different you are to me
It hurts me, honestly
Am I being superficial? Because I
Can't even tell, I'm so tired
Of knowing you adored her
And half the time, you run for
Your life to get away from me
Did I do something wrong? I can't seem
To grasp what she has that I don't
I mean, come on, just throw me a bone
Is it that I'm too thin, too nice?
You haven't even read this and I'm walking on thin ice
I honestly feel like shit and you can't even see
Because it's like I'm invisible except when you're horny.
And yeah, I know you'll get pissed beyond belief
When you read this, you'll get angry with me
But it sure as hell beats crying because I'm stuck here
Looking at your wall, seeing her everywhere
All those lovey statuses you never write about me
Because I'm your secret whore, I can't be seen
I can't be on Facebook, I can't take pictures
I have to hide when people are over, like a murderer
Hiding from the FBI, what did I do?
Honestly, I'm just waiting for you..