The Difference Between Us

I know you
I know your fears, your dreams
I know the taste of your tears as it all crashes down
I know the pounding of your heart as you start feeling
I know how to get into your mind, make you feel like me

You fear rejection, dejection
You don't want to hear 'no'
You live for love, or lust
Whichever will come
You prefer the easy way,
But the hard way's more fun, that's all
You fear the truth, knowing how it will hurt
You fear the consequences of your--our--actions
You want the light to be covered, all shrouded in lies
You fear you'll regret this one day

You dream of fairy tales, things don't come true
When they live in a story, you're in two different realms
There's falsehood and reality, you can't pick between them
You try to morph them, but this isn't a computer game
You can't click 'escape' to get out of this predicament
You can't erase your--our--history, now, no you can't
You can only minimize our full screen for a short period of time
Eventually, they're gonna know

You were there, lying next to me when I cried
You tried to wrap me, suffocate me in your arms
But just being in your proximity made me choke
On screams best kept lodged in my throat
And you were too enamored with your dick to know
Or care how you hurt me, penetrate deeply
Into my mind, as well

"I love you," "Just this once,"
"It'll bring us closer together," "..experiment,"
"She'll never know"
I remember these words you said
And you'll never, ever read this, but they were arrows
Shot from a close range
Tipped in poison, aimed at my face
Because beauty can lie, and not only with you
Strip that away and I'm no longer desirable

I lost the beauty of the world
I romanticized you, and I really shouldn't have
Because that wasn't love, that was pure lust
And I should have known that before I even came
I'm no longer making that mistake, not any more
Now I know what you want from me
I know what's expected of me---sex
And I can deal with that, just please stop fooling yourself
Because you're fooling me in the process, making me think I'm
Beautiful, wanted, loved by you
But I'm not, and that's okay with me

See, right after you fell deep into your dreams
I left your bed to cut me
I left to hurt myself, whether you liked it or not
Since I deserved to die, for falling in love
I wanted you more after you woke up
But that was because I'd decided to go numb
My body had already been yours, so what could I lose?
You didn't want me, you had no clue
How in love I was, still am, with you.

But I guess that's what makes us different
You're scared of rejection, humiliation, loss
I've already been all that, so I have nothing left
Except to fear being what you made me